


Desolate -sasunaru

by ostrichboy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Human, BL, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Eventual Romance, High School, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Protective Uchiha Sasuke, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Violence, boys love boys, depressing topics, just ignore these tags, light fluff, lots of fluffy moments tbh, sensitive topics, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-01-03 14:03:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 33,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21180644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ostrichboy/pseuds/ostrichboy
Summary: After the loss of his only friend, Naruto is forced to endure abuse from both his parents and classmates all by himself. All the negativity around him makes him start to question if maybe he should just give up everything and commit suicide.Just as things reach their peak, Sasuke, Naruto’s ex-friend, finds his way back into his old friend’s life and is hell bent on making sure Naruto his okay. Together, Naruto is able to take the steps to make himself happy again and life for the teen gets better just a little more everyday.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story was heavily edited because I deemed it too triggering for myself and readers. After a lot of rewriting i'm happy to say that i'll be coming back to this story! Thank you for everyone who has stuck around, especially older readers since this story was posted almost two years ago now and has been through so much (even when I took it down completely)! I'm going to try my hardest to finish it no matter what this time! 
> 
> P.S-  
I’m aware that some of the things in this story probably don’t make sense or are inaccurate. Since I don’t live in Japan I couldn’t really tell you anything about living in the country obviously. There’s a lot of mixing of Japanese and American culture and I feel sort of guilty about not knowing anything about Japanese lifestyle so forgive me. Please excuse any errors, and feel free to point them out as well if you find them problematic. 
> 
> Thank you!

Naruto doesn't know what to do. 

He feels torn between just crying and screaming his lungs out, if only he could find the air to breathe, as he breaks down in a silent sob. Naruto feels his knees buckling and his entire body giving out and becoming submissive to the pure sorrow enveloping him, the emptiness he feels evident on his face. His hands instantly grip at his blond hair in efforts to keep himself anchored to right now instead of chasing after his future with Sasuke. The one he'll _never have._

The cruel words echo in his head, loud and nauseating, and leaves him feeling dizzy as Sasuke steps closer to him. Naruto shoves him away roughly with the little strength he has and looks up into a dull sky to keep his tears from dripping. His words were like a punch in the gut and are louder now as he thinks: "_this is all Sasuke's fault_". He takes a few steps back from Sasuke and it feels like he's ran for miles. They used to be so close and now there was a gap between them that he couldn't bare but also didn't want to close.

_"We can't be friends anymore, Naruto."_

_"I don't want to be seen with someone like you."_

It was a real slap to the face.

Even after controlling his sobs, Naruto was breaking down mentally. His azure eyes were wet with stray tears and his body felt weak. He was going to lose his best friend...Or he already had, but it wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to be this way. He took one step, two, three backwards until the edge of the school rooftop was pressing against the back of his heels. He wanted to fall. He wanted to fall and he wanted to know if Sasuke would try to catch him. If Sasuke truly wanted their friendship to be over, despite them being thick as thieves.

Sasuke's hair was covering his face as the breeze drifted, he stayed and didn't move any closer. He was anticipating Naruto's response. Figuring if maybe the blond had said something equally as bad to him, they could form a mutual hatred for each other and then it wouldn't be so hard for him to get over the blond teen. He knew what he was doing to Naruto was selfish, and that his reasoning to do so was terrible. But he couldn't let himself fall in love because love made people stupid and that was one of the things he refused to be. Stupid and Weak.

Sasuke was pushing away the presence of guilt and was telling himself that this was better for both of them. Naruto would forget about him and he would find someone new to hang out with, and Sasuke would resume his life as it was before Naruto got past his defensive walls. The older teen turned to walk away with a straight face despite the emotions pounding in his chest. Naruto scoffed behind him and he came to a quick halt.

"So you're just going to leave? You're going to pretend like we never happened?" Naruto asked, words finally spilling from his lips. He was scared of the answer, even though he already knew the answer. Sasuke was going to leave him, and they'd be no longer. 

Sasuke took a while to reply but he did. "What do you mean 'we'? There was never a 'we', and like I said before I don't want to be caught _dead_ with the likes of you. You're pathetic." He didn't hesitate to say the harsh sentences at all. Naruto was almost sure he meant all of it but he didn't know. Yesterday, Sasuke had been so good to him and they were best friends. Now today he's being left alone without a fucking clue why. He wanted a reason... Naruto _needed_ a reason.

Despite his sadness Naruto couldn't help but feel a little angry. He just wanted to let it all out, and he wanted to cry and grieve the loss of his only friend. 

"You fucking Uchiha," Naruto sneered and wiped away the tears in his eyes. "Assholes... I don't want to see your face ever again. I hate you, and I hope you burn and rot in hell! I don't need you! I don't need anybody!"

Sasuke winced at the words but figured his pain was nothing compared to Naruto's. He accepted the comeback with the knowledge that it was fueled by sadness and anger, knowing that Naruto was too good to wish something like that onto even a serial killer. But maybe he meant it. Sasuke sighed quietly to himself and stepped towards the door that lead back into the building, Naruto's sobs fresh in his ears even after the metal closed behind him.

The door shut loudly and Naruto was left alone for good.


	2. miserable for the kicks

Naruto groaned and rolled over onto his arm that wasn't sore as the traumatic sound of his alarm blared in his ear. After a couple of minutes spent laying down with his eyes barely open, he decided to get up. The teen noticed that his pillow was stained from his late night cry sessions again and he just deflated at the fact that he'd have to wash his pillowcase again. It was seriously annoying but his tears were apart of a very necessary process.

In all honesty going to school wasn't something Naruto looked forward to. Each day at the high school become more and more painful, the relentless taunts from his bullies and the side looks from Sasuke we're becoming almost unbearable. Before Sasuke cut him off, he usually didn't have to worry about Yahiko and his gang of jerks beating him up, but with his newfound loneliness he was more than easy prey. The kids at his school were scared of Sasuke but thought of Naruto as a complete joke and when they realized that the two boys were no longer hand in hand, they decided that Naruto was due for multiple beatings. More than once a week. Two or more times a day, everyday, until graduation.

He winced as his feet touched the cold hardwood floors and shuffled his way into the bathroom.  
He looked sick. His usually tan skin was a shade lighter now from his staying indoors all the time, a fresh set of visible dark circles due to frequent insomnia framing his eyes and his blond hair falling over his eyes just a little... not enough to affect his vision, but enough. Naruto tossed a towel over the mirror so that he wouldn't have to look at his reflection anymore and turned on the shower water. He waited for it to turn hot before he stripped off his boxers and stepped under the steady stream of water. He proceeded to scrub away at his skin probably for a longer time than he needed to. It wasn't like he was going to be late since he always woke up earlier than he needed to. 

When Naruto was sure he was clean enough he turned off the shower and grabbed his towel off the bathroom mirror. It was only slightly foggy, so most of his face was still visible through the clouded surface but a bit blurred. He tried hard not to look as he brushed his teeth and his hair out so that he didn't look so terrible. Afterwards he washed his face and inspected his bruises carefully, running a hand over the arrays of purples, blues, and black.

Once he was done he slipped back into his bedroom and got dressed. An orange shirt covered his chest full of injuries, Naruto was so thankful for clothes. The bruises come easy and stayed for a long time unfortunately. He slipped on his pants, which weren't too baggy but not skinny jeans either and buttoned them up hastily. Naruto hoped he didn't look "flamboyant" which was what Minato called him. He still had one last thing to do.

Naruto made sure his door was locked one more time and then trailed over to the drawers that were built into his bedset. He pulled out a bag, it could easily be mistaken for a pencil case.  
Inside were many different shades of concealer and he chose the one closest to his skin tone now. Sitting in front of the mirror, he began to apply the makeup over his obvious blemishes and the purple spot right below his eye where he got hit in gym yesterday. He payed extra attention to the mark across his cheek...He's gotten too good at hiding it. It's a scar from when he was little. He doesn't remember how it got there completely but even years later it's still painful when he applies too much pressure on it and he knows he got it from his mom. Naruto refuses to let anyone see it because it made him feel ugly. The only person who's ever seen his scar is Sasuke, who he no longer talks to, but he's never revealed the fact that it wasn't from a clumsy incident.

If he did, he would risk losing his parents. And even though they hate and hit him they're all Naruto's got. Nobody loves Naruto though— certainly not Minato and Kushina.

Naruto pushes the bad thoughts away for a long enough time to finish up, hide his belongings again and slip past the door way, warm socks now on his feet to protect him from the harsh cold flooring.

The kitchen looks brand new as usual and Minato is sitting at the table typing away on his work computer. When he finally looks up theres a look of disgust in his eyes, but because Minato is undeniably the more "reasonable" parent he says good morning just because Naruto hasn't 'done' anything yet. Naruto walks into the kitchen uncomfortably and grabs a cup ramen out of the cabinet as his breakfast.

He mumbles out a quiet 'morning' back to Minato, who he literally calls by his first name because he isn't even allowed to say mom and dad. At least not at home. He savors the time they spend together in public when he can say they're his parents. When Kushina isn't body shaming him and his dad seems so supportive of his sexuality. It's almost tragic but really Naruto doesn't like the pity.

Naruto waits for his food to finish calmly as he stands. He can feel his father burning holes into him and he's almost glad for once when he finally speaks.  
  
"You cover them good," Naruto looks up a little reluctant and scared of conversation with his father. "The scars."

"I— Thank you..." 

"Better keep it up. If you slip and anyone finds out about them i'll kill you first." Minato watched Naruto nod and then he was right back into his work again. Naruto tried to fake a smile to get him through the day but it was literally painful, his bruised face too sore.

Today would be a long day.

\----

Boy, does Naruto wish he wore a jacket.

The air around him is cold and stale as everybody stares at him. Really it's just awkward as the quiet whispers get around, but the wind flows his way again and now his ears are so frozen he can barely hear them. He can feel himself start to break under stress when he makes eye contact with a girl who has flowing black hair. She smiles, he can't detect any bitterness in it, but Naruto still ducks his head. Sitting outside in the icy gust of winds was no fun... He really hates the bus, but when he hears the engine roar from down the street he congratulates himself for not dying of hypothermia.

When the bus makes it's way there he waits for everyone to get inside before he climbs the few little stairs. He walks down the isle and prays that nobody from his school tries to trip him. Naruto is so confused when he sits down, nobody's called him a fag yet, or tried to pull his hair, or even tried to trip him and that's about the lowest it gets while he's on public transportation.

So he just wonders if maybe it's because his face is getting uglier, or his arms are getting skinner and maybe they've started to pity him. Regardless, he decides to accept the break and takes a seat in the way back where nobody can throw things at him while he's not looking.

He looks out the window and sits quietly as he watches the golden- pale blueish sky, the clouds pass by quickly. Each cloud is different and he doesn't pay much attention to it until he see's an oddly shaped one. Naruto appreciates the joke by laughing in his head as usual due to being picked out. Before he knew it it was his stop and kids where scurrying off the bus and into the school.

' K O N O H A G A K U R E H I G H' engraved into a metal sign and painted in white hanging right above the entry doors. Around the school entrance and in the fields are trees, some have green and yellow leaves and others have pretty purple flowers that extend out from where the roots sit. Naruto enjoys the quick sight and gets off of the bus last, he whispers a quick "thank you, sir" to the bus driver who smiles rather kindly at him when he sees Naruto's pale face.

Inside the school is calmer than usual. He can't spot anyone who wants him dead, or a group of boys fighting over their girlfriends who decided to sleep around. Naruto takes the opportunity to walk straight to his locker as quick as he can with his entire body full of bruises. A slight limp draws him attention very quickly which gets his morning ruined very quickly. He's so close to his locker but he finds himself being pushed and manhandled out of the way and into the boys bathroom by a recognizable asshole. _Fucking great._

"Useless _freak." _He practically throws Naruto into the side of the stall while smirking, causing him to hit his head and Naruto winces and tries to recover from it as fast as he can. His eyes widen when he notices a bit of his makeup smeared on the stall and tries to pull away from a sudden grasp on his clothing. He's punched in the gut by someone and he's sure that this one is gonna bruise up right next to one his father gave him. The pain from them both is making his head ring and pound insanely. Along with him hitting his head on the stall very hard, he should've passed out from the pain by now.

"Stupid homo won't even fight back," Yahiko spits out and releases his hold on Naruto, instead leaving his friends to do it. Naruto can't do anything with the somehow increasing number of large hands holding him down and it sucks that Yahiko was right— even if he could he wouldn't fight back. "Don't move, fag." The redhead points at him, and then they land one square in his face and release him. A small whimper leaves Naruto's mouth as he wipes his leaking nose with the back of his shaky hand.

This day is total shit and it's barely even started 

Class is even worse. It's not the teachers, no, Kakashi Sensei and the others are nice to him. It's his I'm imbecile classmates. They always go further than the regular middle school shit he experienced like throwing papers and whispering obviously false rumors.

In first period, Naruto figured out that he was liable for a free haircut. He spots his blond hair on the floor next to his desk and on his bag and looks behind him. A boy with bleached white hair and scissors in hand. His grin is taunting and Naruto glares and he spots a few strands slip between the blades. Still, he finishes taking notes without a word slipping past his lips.

In second period someone decides that it would be _so damn_ funny to hold him down and doodle on his face in black acrylic paint. He can't take it off either because that means the makeup comes off as well and if that comes off his entire family goes down. Naruto couldn't risk that. He's relieved when the teacher sends everyone to the office but he can't stop the others from laughing. He wishes he wasn't so scrawny to the point where he could be easily pushed around. What is it with everyone and using his weight as an advantage when fucking with him?

In third period Naruto is damn near dying of starvation and is sleep deprived. He can't keep his eyes open, but if he falls asleep bad things happen. Bad grades= Angry mother. His mother is even worse than his dad. She blames him for a lot of things, like her almost failed and fatal pregnancy. Naruto thinks that Minato just likes to inflict pain on him because he often comes into his room and has his way until he's no longer angry with whatever, and Naruto will take his hits with no problem.

Naruto hears his stomach cry as he takes his notes and he's awfully glad nobody else heard it. There's about 15 minutes until lunchtime according to the round, large analog clock hanging above the board. He barely scrapes through it and tries to accentuate his notes ro pass through the slow time by underlining, circling and even sketching out his examples for maths even if they'll be useless on a test.

The bell rings and he files downstairs quickly to put his belongings away in his locker. He has 2 minutes to get his ass to the lunchroom mentally stable and untouched so he moves quickly on bruised legs. He passes through a group of seniors who look down on him with pity but keep walking. Itachi, who he recognizes as Sasuke's brother looks back and sends him a soft smile. They don't know each other well except for when Naruto used to come over and just chill with Sasuke... but since _that _happened, he doesn't do that anymore and he hasn't spoke to anyone with the last name Uchiha in forever.

The lunchroom is close to empty so Naruto waits in line and takes the first thing he sees, buys a drink at the vending machine outside with the last of the change he had on him and high tails his ass up the the roof before anyone can catch him. He passed through the door and the teen sets his food down before flinging his legs over the edge and once he's sure he's sitting about as still as he can be, he grabs his tray and eats all alone, enjoying the warm sun on his pale skin, making it appear sun kissed and tan under the vibrant blue sky and sunlight.

Thoughts run through his head, and this reminds him of Sasuke who has a nice smile and his laugh is so worth it because he will never hear it again. Naruto would do anything to have his friend back. Playing video games after school and cracking jokes to make each other laugh. eating lunch together on the roof. Even though he hated Sasuke he couldn't help but to care for the boy no matter what. Even after al this time Naruto imagines that Sasuke is still his best friend or that he had any friends besides the ones in the shows he watches. He wishes they could still hug when he's feeling sad. He imagines Sasuke's arm flung around his shoulder because he is sad now, and his delicate words,

_"Cheer up." _And then that fucking Uchiha smile that he despises now. It _used _to be something he could be happy about, Sasuke was everything he was happy about and he kinda still is in a way.

He can't help but smile thinking back. He told Sasuke he hated him, and he does. He hates every singer fiber of his being. And despite all that Naruto is unknowingly chasing after him desperately and tripping over himself looking for his friend who brought him so much happiness everyday. He hates him so much yet he is still willing to take him back and hug it out any day now.

If only Sasuke would use that brain of his and just come back.


	3. until you die

I was extremely bored. I had finished every single chore my parents had instructed me to do and yet I still have so much energy to burn off. My hands were aching and my head was pounding but I had no desire to sit down and rest. I was used to it the throbbing. It was the only thing telling me I had to do something and get out of here before _they_ returned. They won't be happy seeing me here... I can already hear the kinds of words they'd slur at me. You'd think it was dodgeball with the hatred they throw around. But I know I couldn't win this battle, so I would just follow instructions and be a good boy. The boy they want me to be.

My knees wobbled as I got off the couch. The floor was shiny and a little wet from me cleaning up the water I had spilled earlier. I walked up the stairs and cringed and the creaking noises it made, just reminding me of how fat I felt... when in reality I'm not. My body is bruised, skinny, and almost colorless, and my rib cage pokes through my skin with sharp pains all the time.

Down the dim hallway I spotted a family picture. Jiraiya was there too, and dad and mom really looked so happy. I only remember the picture taking part though. I think I was happy judging by the smile on my face and me being oblivious to the abuse up until age 12. I was thinking too busy thinking "hey! Mommy loves me! She's just teaching me tough love!"

Then it started to hurt. And the lessons we had at school the next day about bullying prevention and standing up for yourself was the only sense of right and wrong I had at the time. When I came home that day we got our pictures taken— I only can recall the first part after, which is my mom slapping me right across the face and telling me I should've smiled brighter. I cried and tried to hug her while promising her I would next time I would be better but she pushed me away and everything else after the last tears became a blur. I've never tried to hug her after that.

I stepped into my room and out of the grey sweat pants covering my thin legs. I kicked them to the side of my dresser and pulled out a pair of black jeans. I always felt embarrassed when shopping... I was so underweight that it was really hard to find anything in the men's section. I know I couldn't keep ignoring this problem I had... but I couldn't eat either. The thought of food disgusts me most of the time, and the only time I can really enjoy and meal without being scared as if I was taking my last breath was at school on the roof.

After getting dressed up in a Nico Touches The Walls band shirt I pulled on a baggy jacket so people wouldn't worry about my stick like arms and then my orange sneakers. I've been rocking the same style pair since 1st grade. Only thing that changes of course is the shoe size. In the 7th grade it got hard to find a pair that fit at the local shoe store though.

I grabbed my phone and my earbuds and went right back downstairs and out the front door. I walked down the damp roads and listened to my favorite song to brighten my day a bit. I love Orange Range, their music is in a lot of my favorite animes which makes it twice as enjoyable. 

The words were lingering in my brain and I was so distracted that I didn't even realize I had reached the park. I stepped back and entered past the dark green gates. The swing set was still wet from the raining earlier sadly, and I was forced to sit down on the bench that was thankfully shielded from the rain in case someone was having a picnic or something. I pulled out my phone and tried to find someone to hang out with

I could call Kiba, or maybe even Hinata. They weren't exactly my friends, but we talk like three times a year and I still have their numbers too. I'm not sure if anyone would want to hang out with me though. I basically attract pain and suffering... everyone knows this...

Everyone stays away.

I dialed Hinata's number and pressed call. It was only a while before she picked up. Her voice was still shy and quiet, but she had gained some confidence and it really made her stand out as a whole more. She deserves to shine because she's a really good person.

"H-hi Naruto! How are you?" She spoke sweetly. I blushed a little and held the phone to my ear.

"Hey Hina," he greeted and fiddled with my jacket in my empty hand. "I'm okay. How are you?"

"Oh, don't worry about me! You h-haven't called in a while, I m-missed you," Hinata said, her voice going low at the end. I didn't know what to say so I just got on with my reasons.

"I was sorta wondering if you wanted to hang out?" I asked nervously. I've never actually felt this awkward. "Kiba or Neji can come alone if you want, but I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit."

"Ah! Y-yes, I want to hang out with you!" She paused, "But the boys are busy helping Shino put his bugs in their new container... if that's okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay with me. We could go see a movie? I heard they've got some good ones out..." I really didn't. But I needed something to do. I actually hated sitting down to watch those hour long films. Unless it's Ponyo... I like that one, it made me cry. But it hasn't played in theaters since forever.

"Okay. Where are you? I can meet you there since Neji will have a fit if he thinks we're going on a date. I should come to you."

I looked around at the name of the park written in paint on the green arch. "Shizen park."

"See you soon, Naruto."

We've only been waiting for like 5 minutes and I was already bored out of my damn mind. The line was long, and I hadn't been expecting it but Ponyo wasn't even playing tonight. I closed my eyes for a second as I waited for Hinata to pick a movie.

"Um, N-naruto, can we watch Ju-On? Please?" She begged. I looked at her and nodded. In all honesty I didn't peg her for the horror movie type. But I was down with what she wanted since i'm the one who brought her here... might as well keep her thoroughly entertained.

"Sure. I'll pay for the food too if you want any?"

"We can share a popcorn... It's cheaper, and I already feel bad about spending your money..."

I laughed and rubbed the back of my head out of habit. Really it was nothing to me. I had saved up a crap load of money so I could buy a bunch of new manga series to distract me from my painful reality. Unfortunately, by the time I had come up with the money they were all sold out .I felt like sulking, but then a Sailor Moon commercial came on and I was satisfied with whatever I already had.

The line shrunk within 10 minutes and then we had our tickets. It was only 15 for 1 ticket, and to be honest I was a little shook with the pricing. Last time I was here...a certain Uchiha and I had spent too much money on our tickets and on snacks. Well maybe it's because we were hungry teens but that's not an excuse.

I bought the tub of popcorn and some sodas and entered the room. It was dark obviously, and there wasn't that many people to begin with but it felt so empty from the back of the room. A few more people entered and then the film started up with some terribly edited trailers. I cringed at the thought of the people behind this monstrosity. Already Hinata was shaking and hiding behind her loose sleeves. I knew she wasn't a horror type of girl. I'm not sure why she would choose this movie if she didn't like it, but I also knew that she was the kind of person who thought about others first. Maybe she just chose this because she thought i'd like it.

Someone up front coughed loudly and then it became deadly silent as the opening credits went by. Hinata snuggled into me, curled up into her chair and I wrapped my arm around her carefully. She was so warm. I definitely didn't mind this at all. She smells like Lavender and her touch is soft like Sasuke's...but her hands are definitely smaller.

And she's a girl.

"That was... something.." I said playfully. Hinata laughed and walked close to my side. I could feel her finger brush up against mine and I thought for just a split second on what I was doing with my life. I thought about it, and laced our fingers. 

After sharing a long hug and a thank you, I walked Hinata home and we talked about a lot of things. She brung up something about school and I cringed. No pleasant thoughts came to mind, so I just chuckled softly and went along with it and tried not to spoil her day.

The faint sound of tapping feet on concrete echoed quietly as we passed by the oddly colored houses. I realized the sun was going down and knew I had to speed up my pace. I walked her to the door and said goodbye, Neji thanked me for getting her home and I nodded. Surely enough i'd would be late for curfew. I hoped my parents weren't home just yet.

I sprinted as soon as I was past the last steps. My feet pressed hard against the ground and with every step it seemed to be getting darker and darker.

I feel my lungs burning intensely. "I've gotta make it."


	4. somebody and nobody

The cold dark room around Naruto panned out with a deadly silence as he sat up in bed. His blond and disheveled hair lay sprawled across his head due to the tossing and turning, pulling and frantic ruffling prior to now. He can't seem to fall back asleep. This dream never changes, and it's constantly reminding Naruto of every loss he's ever experienced.

Of Sasuke.

It's not like he wants to care about him anymore...He has better things to do, more concerning matters. Now that he thinks about it, he was constantly dragging Naruto down after that day. Naruto decides he is not in the mood to remember every single word Sasuke uttered and wishes he could forget already. He doesn't have to keep feeling bad for himself. If he just keeps moving forward he will forget about Sasuke completely. He can leave the thought of that fucker behind, and then do what he wants to do but without the memory of his stupid hair taunting him.

Naruto doesn't freaking need Sasuke Uchiha.... And everybody sure as hell knows he doesn't need Naruto.

He flips the blankets off of his body and got up. It's always freezing in the house at night. Naruto wraps his blanket around himself instead and stepped out of the light deprived space and out into the hall. The vents were blowing more chilly air out. He didn't want to catch a cold and his feet felt like he had jogged across Antarctica barefoot. Naruto's body still ached from last night and every pain began to sink in at once.

He hadn't exactly looked into the mirror since he'd went to bed, and last time Naruto checked it was just really red. The blond didn't even get much sleep because of being too busy trying to figure out which excuse besides "I got into a really bad fight" he could choose from. He can't defend himself and lately it's becoming more and more hard to retain any peace. If he was just a little braver.

Naruto felt the bruised hand mark around his neck and winced at the pain. He already knew that the cut on his leg would take a long time to heal. It was going to be painful, but the walking he was doing only made the pain increase and Naruto stumbled into the bathroom while trying not to move the stinging and throbbing limb too much.

Seeing the now purple red skin under his left eye only reminded Naruto of how badly he had gotten beat yesterday. Only a few minutes late for his curfew, and that's because a police officer stopped to question the teen about some thief on the loose. Why was it even his business? Naruto didn't know but it was costed him a fucking eye and a leg.

The dreadful events from yesterday began to flood his mind as he thought about it more.

_He spotted the silver car from down the block, and all the lights were on in his house. He was desperate to get this over with. Maybe if he was extremely lucky they'd spare him a beating; the tube of makeup wasn't going to last much longer at this pace and he wouldn't be able to afford the waterproof kind._

_As he approached the house he noticed the frantic walking back and forth in the living room, and based on the long hair he spotted in the form of a silhouette he safely assumed it was his mom. He jiggled the door knob and saw that it was locked. Naruto seriously contemplated climbing up the side of the house and sneaking into his bedroom, but knowing his parents Minato will probably be waiting for him there._

_He turned back again and knocked softly. Naruto waited for the heavy footsteps and click of the door. It swings open open he winces slightly as Kushina opens the door with a slight look of anger in her face. She looks him up and down very carefully, and she thinks about slamming the door in his face but she doesn't._

_"Where were you? I made dinner, you ungrateful homo!" Her anger shows in a huff and she sneaks a look to the side of her before stepping back into the empty space to invite Naruto in._

_"I'm sorry...I was... I was with a friend." Naruto apologizes and hopes maybe she'll go easy. It's only a matter of time before Minato gets involved and it's like he can already feel the pain coming his way. His mom was verbally and mentally abusive and his dad used brute force to beat him into submission, so there was no painless way around this._

_"A friend? Nobody will hang out with a fag like you... Why are you lying to me?" She scoffs loudly and grabs at his arm harshly. Naruto holds his breath. He's still afraid, but there's something telling him that he can get through this... just this once if he minds his own and does what she wants. "I'd be blessed if you would just resort to killing yourself." She pushes Naruto away from her with a quick shove and starts to bubble over with fury._

_"You want to be someone people will like?" Her face is getting more red by the second as she yells and it's concerning him... not like he should care but for some reason he does."Come home on time. Then I will believe that a lowly scumbag like you can have a real friend." She sneers at him and then spit at his feet, only missing by like half an inch. "No wonder Sasuke just tossed you, and I thought he was crazy but he was just using his brain!" Naruto stops to think about what she said, and when the name Sasuke clicks in his brain he snaps._

_"What did I do to deserve your shit? Can everyone just leave me the hell alone!" Naruto yelled out before he could stop himself. He quickly shut up and the heavy breaths could be heard despite the distance between them. Her fists were balled up and she wore a heavy frown. It was sickening, actually... Her face made him sick. He shook his head and tried to block out the following words coming from Kushina's mouth._

_"You deserve every thing you get and more. You're useless, pathetic, and on top of that you're a gay! Nobody cares about fags who can't accomplish anything in life. I wish you were never born!" Naruto flinched._

_"Fuck off, Kushina! Go have another baby for all I care— ship me away from this fucking prison cell! And just so you know, I wish I wasn't born more than you do! Maybe I will consider killing myself when you do the same!"_

_He braced himself for a slap but it never came; instead his mom stomped off into another room on the side. He spotted the curry sitting on the kitchen table and thought about grabbing the bowl and going up to his room, but he decided he'll just make something once everyone goes to sleep. He thinks to himself before stepping to the staircase._

_He quickly made his way up to his room and sat down on the floor next to his bed. It was a little chilly, but it wasn't bothering him as he kicked his shoes off and groaned. He ran his fingers over the sore muscle in his legs, which would soon be sore for an entirely different reason. He felt like crying in all honesty. But it was only a matter of time before one of the two adults came into his room, and if there was one thing Minato hated about Naruto more than Kushina did ( if that was even possible) it would be when Naruto cries, whines or anything related to that. Any sudden change of attitude or longing of affection was guaranteed to send his fathers nerves into overdrive. He figured it'd be much more safe to hold them in until he'd received his punishments._

_Thirty minutes had passed and it was only now that he was hearing the quiet yet somehow loud whispering outside his door. He stood up and tried to look for a way out, but this wasn't a movie. He was guaranteed to break his already hurting leg if he jumped from his window which was 2 whole stories up. He wasn't some fucking ninja no matter who much he wanted to be._

_Naruto flinched slightly as the door opened slowly and Minato stepped inside and closed them in together, of course locking the door behind him so that Kushina was sure not to interrupt. _

_"You've disappointed me," He nodded and Minato stepped to the side._

_"I'm sorry, sir."_ _" Naruto mumbled but it was still loud enough for him to hear. He didn't mean it, but the teen would do anything to make the pain that was soon to come even a bit more bearable._

_"You never learn your lesson, Naruto. When will you grow up and get the fuck out of my face?"_

_Naruto can feel the pulling at his scalp as Minato snatches a handful of his hair and it burns. With they way his head is tilted he can't speak and he's barely breathing because this angle is bad but he's managing. All of a sudden the room feels like it's going to set him on fire. His face is so dangerously red and he can feel a sudden warmth engulf his body in a flash. His eyes are watering and he's trying to tilt is head up so tears can't fall. He can't cry now, he doesn't have the time to be crying, and Minato isn't someone he wants to show weakness in front of._

_"You also lied to your mother... and you know what happens when you lie right?"_

_The hand in his hair moves away and he breathes for a very split second before he can feel it press up against his throat harshly. The hand tightens and as Naruto struggles to breathe he can hear Minato tapping his foot impatiently. Naruto makes one dangerous effort to remove the hand but only to fail himself once again and he's landed a punch square in his jaw._

_He tumbles over in pain, and it's been a while since Minato has hit him that hard so he wasn't prepared for that. Naruto holds his cheek and gags at the taste of iron and realizes he accidentally bit his tongue. He spits the red out on the hard ground and tries to subtly scoot away from his dad. Of course he notices, and yanks Naruto back towards him by his legs._

_"You really are pathetic. Are you not even going to fight back?" Minato asks tauntingly, "You want to be hit?"_

_ "I'll give it to you then." _

Naruto really doesn't want to remember anything after that.

He sits down on the toilet seat in the bathroom and tries to clean the cuts. The bruise on his pale jaw is deep colored, and it stings and aches as he cleans around the wound with soapy water. Honestly Naruto should probably win an award for person to spend the most money on first aid. It's ridiculous how much money he spends on bandages a week.

Naruto peels the sticky adhesive off the bandaids and puts then on the places he needs a little more help covering. A bandage wraps around his leg and across his head. He finishes up quickly and quietly, picking up behind himself and leaves the bathroom.

Down the creaky corridor he walks and treads back to his bedroom. Shutting and locking the door before he gets back in bed and eventually falls asleep from the pain.


	5. the real loser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sasuke’s pov

My obsession with always being in first came to me as a child. I would always try to get the attention of my family by excelling in all my studies and hobbies, trying to take their eyes off of whatever work they had long enough to at least congratulate me. In my mind I was worthless if I wasn't the best. If I didn't beat everyone else then I was a loser, and that I didn't even deserve to live. It was painful, and in the end I put up a wall and slowly climbed my way to first place even at the cost of all the relationships I had worked so hard to build.

I hated it— being in first place all the time. But I had to work hard to keep my name and the respect attached to it, but now I'm where i've always wanted to be, and yet i'm still looked down on. It was what made me realize that Naruto was the only person who'd ever been there for me regardless of my social status or class rank, and when that fact settled in I felt... so empty. I came to my senses and realized that leaving him behind as soon as things got hard was a shitty move. I didn't deserve Naruto, or anything. What I did was cowardly and absolutely pointless, and in the end I hurt someone I deeply cared about. _Care about._

Getting out of bed was a mistake. 

I could've skipped today, yet I find myself here in this painfully dull building full of illegitimate teens. I'd rather mope and daydream about running up to Naruto and hugging him and holding him, and I'd apologize to him and in my mind he would accept my apology even though I was an asshole to him. I knew that in reality there was no way to fix our bond, and I was almost content with that knowing that he hated me now. I just needed to get over him and his beautiful eyes and his stupidly blinding smile so that he could be happy and get what he deserves. Which is more than me, because his soul is so beautiful and he should have everything.

All I can think of is his crying expression and how upset he was before I turned and walked away from him. It was like a recurring nightmare and every time I saw him in the halls that day would pop up in my mind, and I would find myself stuck between running to the bathroom to silently cry in peace or go to class. 

I need to fix this. Though it does sound pathetic coming from someone so terrible and crusty like myself, I still care about him so much. I still read out old messages and I miss him so much that it's crazy. I don't know. I feel lost without him, but it's my fault for trying to wander off. It's my fault for trying to do everything on my own, and now I know this.

Starting tomorrow, i'll make things right even if it costs all I have.


	6. the mourning

Sasuke's morning was fairly good. With Mikoto and Fugaku downstairs arguing comically over what to eat for dinner the teen was able to slip past them to get a few words in with Itachi before school. He usually didn't go to his older brother for any kind of help but he was awfully conflicted and Itachi was just annoyingly wise. With fast paced walking down the sunlit halls and some advanced skills in ignoring distractions, he was able to reach the semi-quiet room with ease.   
  
The walls were painted a faded red color, and he eyed the two boys sitting on the bed looking oddly suspicious. After Shisui and Itachi were finally done exchanging their fair share of laughs and some uncalled for jokes Sasuke was able to get a few sentences out. By then, the older Uchiha had finally realized that his brother was in the room and he was more or less willing to talk to him.   
  
"I have to talk to you," Sasuke says with a straight face and Itachi quirks a dark brow. "It's important."  
  
"Should we step out for this?" Sasuke shook his head and stepped inside, closing the door him with a soft click. He situated himself on the floor near the doorframe and let out a small sigh, tugging on his jacket sleeves before he began to talk.  
  
"It's about...Naruto." The teen said, his voice low and the slightest bit shaky. "I miss him."  
  
"I'd apologize if I could get close to him but I know for a fact he would either ignore me or run away."  
  
Itachi looked up at the ceiling in thought for a while in thought. Sasuke waited anxiously for his advice, impatiently tapping his shoe covered foot on the ground in a steady pattern to entertain himself. For all the 20 seconds Sasuke spent waiting he'd expected Itachi's answer to be more... anything besides what it was. "Buy him flowers," he said and Sasuke snapped.  
  
"Stop wasting my time, dumbass. I'm serious." Sasuke said, rolling his dark eyes. Itachi just shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"Like I said, said buy him flowers. Or something he likes. Personally, I wouldn't listen to a dumb confession from an asshole like you unless you had something to offer."  
  
"Confession? Are you an idiot? I said I wanted to apologize to Naruto, not ask him to be my boyfriend..."  
  
"As if you'd have a problem with that." Itachi said finally before turning back to Shisui and giving his best friend his undivided attention once again, completely forgetting all about his younger brother in the room with them. Sasuke got up and made his way to the door.

Giving a few confused blinks to his questioning parents and a blank face, Sasuke left, grabbing his things for school and walking out the front door as his legs lead him to school.  
  
  
  
Morning is just about over and the teacher was pestering the hell out of the Uchiha. Since he was being asked to answer the annoying questions every few minutes, Sasuke was forced to basically become a public speaker when he'd much rather just sit and think about how he could get Naruto to at least hear him out. When he wasn't being annoyed he was staring at the clock on the wall, which he knew was broken but it still passed time the quickest somehow.  
  
The class only seemingly got longer at the end since Sasuke always had to brainstorm ways to escape the room before someone could get a chance to harass him. Honestly, If that person wasn't Naruto then Sasuke probably didn't want to talk, so it was very unlikely he'd ever want to talk. On top of that sitting alone was boring, and it was hot in the room and there were a ridiculous amount of notes he had to take. Every time Sasuke wrote another word it felt like the world was trying to fuck with him.   
  
The only good thing was that next period would be a free period. If he could successfully manage to get past Sakura and Karin maybe he'd be able to sneak around and find Naruto. It was usually pretty easy to find the other teen considering that he dresses in the brightest color ever and has blond hair, but now it felt like wherever Naruto was, Sasuke just wasn't. It was also true that they typically avoided each other but he still usually saw the boy at least twice a day. Today he hadn't saw him even once.

  
The bell rang and Sasuke was quick to move. He managed to dodge others by hiding in bathrooms for a brief amount of time and engaging in awkward conversations with strangers, though it worked and he was eternally grateful for the amount of luck his face has given him in that moment. The teen sped up the stairs, his breath erratic by the time he had reached the 3rd floor. Running up the steps was so unnecessarily tiring. Upon the last staircase he finally made it to the door the familiar door that lead to the rooftop and he mentally hoped that the person he was looking for was here... or else he would probably just be tired and angry.   
  
Sasuke gathered his thoughts, words and the coupons for free ramen he had paid Shikamaru damn near 30 bucks for. The door creaked open and shut behind him loudly despite his efforts to close it softly.   
  
"Naruto?!" He called out loudly. He walked around, his head spinning with worry that never be able to see the blond again at this rate. Sasuke took a seat by the ledge and fiddled with the red papers in his hands. He contemplated on whether he should just turn around, but the protesting in his mind ordered him not to. The sound of gravel behind him made Sasuke spin around quickly. 

"Sasuke? Wh-what are you doing here?" His body turned toward the sound, and his eyes met with blue ones. "What do you want, Sasuke." The blond teen spoke shakily and Sasuke took in his pale, skinny figure, cringing on the inside at how unhealthy Naruto looked. He didn't fail to notice the slightest hint to purple on Naruto's face as well, and it made him wonder if he was really doing as well as Sasuke had thought he was.

"I came to say that i'm sorry," A silence filled the dense air around them afterwards before he stood and walked over the Naruto, who casually took two steps back as if Sasuke was carrying some deadly disease. He nodded, seeming to understand and stayed where he was. Everything was always two steps backwards with them.  
  
"I'm sorry for my actions, Naruto," Sasuke spoke as calmly as possible, trying to keep himself collected. "I screwed up," taking a deep breath he continued, "and I want to fix things. I need to fix things because you're just too important to me. I want to make it up to you." Grabbing the offering from his pocket again, he handed it to the other who just peeked lazily at it before holding in tightly in his hand. 

"You think you can just walk back into my life all high and mighty with fucking... fucking ramen coupons? You fucking Uchiha assholes! I can't stand you— you treated me like shit after everything we went through together and you think some puny apology and a ramen coupon can change that? God, you make me wish I was dead. Maybe I wouldn't have to put up with you and your shit... I don't care about you or your damn apologies!" He yelled at the older male, ripping the paper to shred and letting it blow away in the wind. Naruto was too upset to begin to care.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry, Naruto. I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but at least think about it. I know I was terrible and I was selfish, but I've changed I want to be here for you. If there's something you want me to do, I'll do it. I don't care what it is as long as I get to have you by my side again." Sasuke ignored the wetness in his eyes and waited for his answer.   
  
"You bastard! I prayed every day and night that you'd come back and say what you just did. And I got nothing. Now for you to show up as soon as I'm this close to getting over you is unfair. I hate this,"  
  
"Naruto I—"   
  
"No. Fuck you," Naruto stated. "I needed you more than anyone else and you were so bad to me. You made me feel useless and disgusted with myself, on top of everything at home, and I just... I don't know if I can forgive you."  
  
"Listen, Sasuke... Just give me some time to think about this, okay?"  
  
Sasuke watched as Naruto turned around and left. He watched as the heavy door shut behind his ex friend, and he felt the pain in his heart. He knew Naruto must've felt hundreds of times worse than this. For the first time in a while, Sasuke Uchiha didn't have the strength to ignore the agony he was feeling, and so he stood there feeling so empty. Accepting the rejection, he let the watery feeling in his eyes pour down his pale cheeks and stain the rooftop as he cursed at himself silently.   
  



	7. no rest for the mentally defeated

Naruto spent his time sitting around in his dark bedroom crying. With his parents gone for the next week, he was left to sulk on his own, and crying helped him get his mind off of Sasuke. He sat on his bed, the sheets disheveled and half eaten ramen cups surrounding his bed frame. He didn't even enjoy eating ramen anymore because of those stupid coupons Sasuke had given him, so he only ate just a little bit and hoped that it was enough to keep him full. 

His hair was extremely matted and his blue eyes were about the only thing sparkling about him right now. Naruto's face was bruised and tear stained, the coverage that makeup offered now gone and leaving the unpleasant sight of a distraught teenage boy having a crisis. He tried sleeping, though he couldn't feel well rested at all, and his dreams were only comforting for a little while before it turned to something like a nightmare. Naruto was trying everything he could think of to get Sasuke out of his mind but he knew it was hopeless.

Did Naruto really want Sasuke back in his life?

It should've been a yes or no question. There didn't need to be an in-between but there was. The mature part of Naruto was telling him that Sasuke wasn't what he needed, or what he _deserved. _But then again he knew he couldn't hold grudges. Even he knew eventually he'd give in and fall right back into Sasuke's arms like a fool if he hesitated to hate him for even a second. Naruto didn't want to cry over him anymore and that was the entire point of this trying to get over him thing... running back would just mean that he wasted his time on nothing. It was officially safe to say that Naruto's sense of self reasoning had been completely obliterated since the other day.

He takes a moment to gather his strength before he ditches his warm blanket and gets up to go to the bathroom. The hallway lights are still on and dim so his eyes adjust easily. Naruto stumbles down the hall and unties the string on his sweats so he can use the bathroom so that stupid urge to pee will go away.

He's only halfway through before his phone rings violently in his pocket, and _fuck _people have bad timing. He finishes up quickly and pulls his bottoms back on, then goes to wash his hands. Naruto checks his phone hesitantly, to find it's the one person he's been narrowly avoiding.

_-I'm sorry about __Friday_. _I didn't mean to upset you, I just wanted you to hear me out. I'm not asking you to forget about what I did but i'm just asking you to let me make things right. I know you said you'd think about it but i'm not the most patient guy so at least let me talk to you while you figure things out._

And curse Naruto Uzu-fucking-maki for not changing his phone number when he had the chance. He has never experienced this much drama before and he wasn't liking it. He had too many decisions to make and Naruto was forced to come up with something earlier than he had intended and now he was thinking again. He didn't _have _to say yes; Naruto was his own person after all, but after giving it some thought maybe Sasuke really was trying to redeem himself... plus it's not like Sasuke was always a prick. Well he was a prick, but not to Naruto.

He let the message sit there for a while longer, though he couldn't for too long before he got a very strong urge to text back angrily.

_-no i _ _ don wanna see ur dumb Uchiha face  _

_ -I don wanna hear ur dumb Uchiha voice _

_ -I sure as hell don wanna read ur dumb Uchiha texts _

-_just listen._

_-I think you are dyslexic_

_-Naruto, don't be rash. please?_

_ -ur sch an asshdle u dick I hate u I'll never forgive you  _

_ -leave  _ _ me alone so I can cry in peace jerk _


	8. what i’m willing to lose for you

I was awake but I was still too shocked to move an inch. A layer of sweat covered my body and soaked right through my shirt, my face wet with tears and my eyes burned when I tried to open them. For a second I couldn't breathe, but then all that lost air came back to me so suddenly that I started to cough. My nightmare was still fresh in my mind long after I gained the strength to roll over in bed. This wasn't the first time this has happened since the last time I talked to him last week. It feels like the more I push Sasuke away the more I think about him. The thought of him made me shrivel up. But I didn't want him to be dead to me. Not entirely. 

Not anymore. He was too important to me.

Thinking back to when I first moved here, Yahiko was always being an ass. He would take my things and do small things at first, but as time went on it just got worse and worse, and he began to hit me. I thought that things would be like that until graduation before I met Sasuke. Sasuke had my back before we even became friends. I didn't ever talk to him unless I was thanking him, but one day he decided to eat lunch with me on the roof and our friendship just kind of blossomed. He never left me hanging and we did everything together, and he was my only friend as I was his. I felt so happy even just standing next to him, and to think that I could have all that again is so amazing, but i'm scared. I'm scared that this is all just a joke and he'll just pull everything out from under me again because that's what guys like Sasuke are good at. Yet I still miss the hell out of him because that's what guys like me are good at.

After laying around for what felt like an hour, I had calmed down enough and I was able to function and think properly again. I got in the shower, washing and scrubbing away at my worries in the process. 

My wet hair dripped water onto the floor and my shoulders, covering my blue eyes that told me I was in need to a proper trim-- not one from my classmates. I quickly dried off and pulled on some clothing along with a pair of socks. The floor didn't feel very cold since I turned the heat was up last night, but I put on my fluffy socks just because they were comfortable and I had no reason to pass up on being cozy since my parents were gone until tomorrow evening.

I grabbed my phone off the edge of my bed before making my way downstairs. I minded the bruises and cuts I was still working with on my way down. I sat down in front of the TV and turned to my favorite channel that showed my favorite anime shows all day long. I loved this channel, but I couldn't even begin to focus on the action packed adventures when I had Sasuke Uchiha running through my mind. I knew for a fact I wasn't ready to see him, but I knew that I could talk to him for just a while without losing my mind. I don't understand it, but Sasuke has this weird tendency of making me fold. It sucks because i'm not even close to him anymore and he has the same damn affect on me. 

I stared at the TV but I was focused on what I would even say if I decided to give him a shot. Wouldn't it be weird to text now since a few days ago I did basically tell him to fuck off? I mean, I had every right to be upset at that bastard, but I was starting to feel guilty. But that's fine, right? He said some pretty hurtful things before too. I should be fine with this since it's only hurtful compared to what he did. Whatever, I guess I'll just act on my impulses.

Before my brain could comprehend my movements I swiped up my phone from off the table and went through my messages. Hinata wanted to go out again (which I had to say no to), my parents checking to see if I was alive and telling me that if I died they wouldn't pay for a proper funeral... Jiraiya, who I should definitely text back. And Sasuke.

I typed more aggressively than I felt:

_ -ure sch a jerk for confusing me   
_

_ and  _ _ i still don't accept ur apology either _

_ -but i felt bad for being mean to you so i guess i'll talk to you again _

_ -we still aren't friends _


	9. you know that I know you care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like how the bold looks as always  
bold= Sasuke  
underlined= Naruto

_ **-you're serious? thank you so much.** _

_ -yh i guess i am but pls dont make me have another mental breakdown because that shit hurts _

_ **-I'm so sorry. I was just being stupid and acting out because I was going through a rough time. I know that's no excuse for what I did and I wasn't joking when I said i'll do anything you want me to do.** _

_ -ok but u don't have to be my slave. the truth is that ur words only hurt because they were true and i honestly deserved it. i was a mess i mean who would want to be around me anyway it was selfish of me for wanting you to stay _

** _-what? Hell no. Naruto, you were the most important person in my life and you still are. You don't deserve to be treated like trash just because you need help getting through hard times. I was an idiot for just ending our friendship like that._ **

_ **-It was a really ignorant decision to think I could even function properly without you by my side. I even came running back to you which probably caused you hell and I'm sorry about that too. You're an amazing person, Naruto, and I didn't mean anything I said to you that day.** _

_ -don't you want to call me useless or something? i think you want to be mean to me _

_ -please do it because i’m not used to people being nice to me i’m scared _

** _-Do you prefer dobe or _ ** _ **usuratonkachi?** _

_ -gd idec just stop being so not yourself  _

** _-whatever, dobe. talk soon?_ **

_-we’ll see_


	10. thoughts of you 1

Today, it wasn't a pain to get out of bed even it was a Monday. I ached from staying up all night but that didn't stop the pure happiness from running through me. Even if my face wouldn't exactly show it I did have things to be glad about— mostly Naruto, who agreed to at least talk to me. He didn't forgive me for being a jerk yet but I know that I have a chance to make things right and for the first time in a while I feel reassured. I couldn't stop the emotions I felt.

I got dressed in a pair of plain black joggers and a regular long sleeve shirt. I slipped on a pair of dark colored socks, as well as the necklace Naruto had given me as a thank you gift before everything happened. Truth is, I can't go anywhere without it—it really just became a part of who I was. I carefully tucked it into my shirt so that it wouldn't get damaged or accidentally snatched off. I didn't have the energy to style my hair today so I left it down and prayed that the hair in my face wasn't going to be a problem.

After refreshing up in the bathroom and grabbing my phone I finally made my way downstairs. Mom was drinking a cup of tea at the table, Itachi sat across from her and they were having what seemed like a civil conversation. I walked to the kitchen and pulled out a box of cereal, some milk and obviously a spoon and bowl. I walked over to the table and sat by Itachi who proceeded to jam his fingers into my forehead. "You imbecile!" I said harshly, slapping his hand away and my mom gave us a deathly glare.

"You're not eating tomatoes for breakfast today?" My mother asked and I just shook my head no. "What's the occasion? You love tomatoes..." Itachi smirked.

"There is no occasion. I'm simply eating the food that you've bought for the purpose of eating." I tried to finish up my bowl quickly. I cleaned up my mess and began to get my shoes on. Just a pair of all black shoes. I grabbed my jacket and bag that was hanging up by the door and when it was time for me to leave I walked fast.

I was at school in no time— and despite the empty look that was probably occupying my face I was bubbling over in joy at the fact that maybe I'd get to talk to Naruto today. Kids walked into the large main doors of the school talking to their friends and I just was blew away by how large crowds could get. I began to walk up to the school, and soon I was walking in the loud hallways.

——

The bell rang and the teacher started up the lesson. It was boring and I was starting to get annoyed. I tapped my pencil against my leg as I waited for new notes to appear on the dark green board. Many people rested their heads, but I just found myself wondering if Naruto was always this late— or if he even came to this class at all anymore. I hoped he did. Even when we weren't on speaking terms his presence was a blessing among so many useless idiots.

I decided to plug in my headphones to my phone, and quickly scrolled my playlist for a song to listen to while the teacher had their back turned. The time as going by much too slow for my liking, and if I was forced to sit in silence another minute I might just lash out for the fun of it.

Fortunately though, the door slid opened and a certain blond boy walked through them cautiously. I watched a little as Naruto went over to talk to the grey haired man, but I felt like I was invading their privacy as I watched them speak in whispers.

After exchanging a few words he began making his way over to his desk, and he was kind of limping but I just assumed that maybe he tripped or something. I couldn't help but to turn around and look at him and he gave me a tired, barely there smile. I wonder if something happened or if he just didn't get enough rest last night...

—-

The rest of the day Naruto slumped around groggily. His face was even more pale, he had dark circles and he looked ready to cry. I hadn't noticed too much before but he really looks like he would collapse and die at the tiniest shove. I wanted to run up to him and ask if he was okay, but I don't know if he'd be comfortable with that. Because of that, I stayed away despite my urges to check on him. The happy feeling I felt earlier also started to disappear the longer I looked at him walk around the school, obviously unwell, like a zombie.

When lunch came rolling around he completely vanished and I was guessing that he'd went up to the roof. But it was freezing outside today, and the teachers aren't even supposed to let you up there. I don't really ever eat lunch but today they have baby tomatoes. I sat down at the table with Jugo and Hidan, usually Karin was here too. I didn't like to sit here since Karin was always borderline harassing me, Hidan was a senior who just couldn't make friends since he was always preaching some demonic religion cult, and well, Jugo was always strung up and angry with me. I really miss being with Naruto. It's odd but I really can't stop comparing everyone around me to him. 

I groaned and popped a small tomato into my mouth as Karin stuck to my arm from where I was sitting— and Sakura's glaring was becoming boring. If I could I'd wipe this entire school free of idiots and everyone who was unimportant to me. It's very bothersome to have girls always chasing after me— even after I came out as gay. I regret doing that because now I have guys trying to get with me as well. If I hear another confession from anyone besides Naruto i'll puke. Not that that'll ever happen, but a guy can dream.

"Sasuke? Dude, your brother is staring at us and it's seriously creepy." Jugo said to me in a hushed tone. I turned around to see Itachi glaring and angrily pointing for me to get over there right now. I don't even know why he's here. The only reason I can possibly think of is to annoy me. I got up from my spot at the table and walked over to where my brother was standing, stopping at a distance because I didn't want him to do that forehead thing in public but somehow it ended up happening anyways. I swatted Itachi's hand away quickly and gave him a irritated glare because he was so fucking annoying. "What do you want, you sadistic fuck?" 

"Have you seen your boyfriend? He looks like hell," Itachi said and Sasuke shook his head. "You're not going to go see him? You'd rather sit with these idiotic lowlifes and eat tomatoes?"

"It's called giving him _space_. I'd be the most shocked guy on earth if he felt even slightly relieved to see my face." Sasuke scoffed and began to turn around.

"At this rate you aren't going to prove anything to him. You're being childish, you won't even go visit the guy you like while he's injured." Itachi put his hands up in a defensive manner, which was probably just the perfect time for me to punch the bastard for what he just said. My brother walked away from me and I flipped him off while he wasn't looking. I was mad at him, but he was right.

I have to go see him.


	11. thoughts of you 2

I was moving through the school as fast as I could. Despite my great stamina, I did need to take a break before I passed out from exhaustion. My hand was sore because I decided to punch a random locker while thinking of Itachi's dumb face and that was my fault. I was absolutely fuming, I decided to blame everything on Itachi. 

After a few minutes I began to cool down so I finished climbing up the steps and tried to quietly open the door. A wave of nostalgia hit hard because I haven't yet had the chance to enjoy the familiar scenery despite being here the other day. It's exactly the same which is comforting. I don't know what I was expecting though. I walked across the gravelly floor to look for Naruto, and when I did find him my heart was already thumping in my chest.

"Naruto," I watched as he stared into the grey sky with an occupied look on his face. He didn't look over at me... didn't move a single muscle to acknowledge that I was here. I shook the sadness away and focused on him, he looked half dead. "What happened to you?"

"Sasuke? I didn't know if you would come today. I should've prepared myself." He groaned out, voice dry and sad. He didn't answer my question at all. I sat down in the ashy gravel despite my black pants and sighed. He gave a very worn smile before closing his eyes. "Do I really look that bad? I feel like it."

"No, you look good," I replied with the truth. He did look good. He didn't look like he felt good, but Naruto was a good looking guy and his blue eyes were still as bright as the sun even though he looked like he had a deadly disease. He was skinnier than a French fry which told me exactly what I needed to know: that Naruto wasn't doing so well. But even so he looked good. "Beautiful , If you ask me."

"You don't have to pretend, Sasuke. I look exactly like how I feel— shitty. Really shitty and tired."

Naruto said and breathed in an unsteady breath through his nose sharply. I shook my head in disbelief but something about Naruto's tone had a sense of finality to it, so I didn't bother with arguing. I wouldn't bother trying to convince Naruto of his beauty by using my words. If he didn't understand my reasoning for finding him perfect now then he wouldn't understand it later. 

"Hey, can I lay on your leg? My head hurts."

"Sure. I don't mind." I moved into a more comfortable position and Naruto moved to lay his head on my thigh. He sighed and it took everything in me to resist threading my fingers through his hair as he began to fall asleep. I feel really happy right now. 

To think I wanted to miss out on this.

We ended up staying up here until the end of the school day. I'll never hear the end of it from my parents but I don't regret it. Naruto was looking a little less sick when he woke up so had no reason to regret it. Itachi came up and yelled at me for skipping but Naruto didn't stir awake at all so I didn't mind his bitching at me. I felt too euphoric to even begin to care about that asshole.

The dull sky had became more vibrant and fluffy clouds came in soon after. I ended up taking off my jacket and wrapping it around Naruto since there was a slight chilly breeze and he already looked sick. I told him that he could keep it, and that I had tons of jackets so it wasn't a big deal. He did start to question my niceness and interrogated me but it was really nothing. My intentions were pure and I had nothing to hide from him. I just wanted to prove to someone important to me that I cared about them deeply, even if I hadn't expressed that in the past. I felt so done with making mistakes, I wanted to be with Naruto the right way. Today probably didn't mean much to him, but it meant the world to me. 

It was a step forward— maybe a baby or toddler step— but nonetheless i'd get there eventually.


	12. burden

I wasn't expecting Sasuke to pay me an unexpected visit yesterday. I honestly don't expect him to do anything he does that's nice. Being around him stressed me out because i'm so afraid of being hurt, but then he always does that thing that he doesn't know about and hell, I'm probably walking right into a damn trap. I know I shouldn't trust him and that when he says he's sorry I shouldn't listen but I can't help it. Even after everything he did to me I can't help but to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I don't know if I can handle anymore pain.

It's still the morning and i'm already dying trying to avoid Yahiko. It seems that he's everywhere I go, and it's not like I can skip anymore classes without harsh consequences. Well... even if I did it wouldn't matter because I don't think the school board has seen either of my parents show up not even once in years. I'm absolutely positive that everyone works to make my life a living hell. i'm wondering if people only come around to do anything _good_ when its convenient for them. The teacher's voice is loud and fuzzy as I put my head down on my desk. I can't think, I haven't been to sleep, I haven't eaten in days and my body is in terrible pain. If I could I would cry but i'm sure my body has no more water to spare for empty causes. Also, I think i'm catching a cold and should pick up some over the counter meds after school ends. I'd be spending the rest of my money on it too. Shit, sometimes dying feels like the better option.

I pressed my face into the sleeves of my too large jacket to stop tears from dripping onto the desk. It hurt because i still had bruises there but i found that today my pain tolerance level was sky rocketing. I'm sure my face is so red and I look like a fool and a mess. I just need a while to compose myself and then ill be fine... because that's what I do. The teacher is still talking quickly. I know my grades will drop because I just can't pay attention and i'll fail the upcoming test. I feel useless right now and I wish Sasuke was here right now instead of wherever the hell he was.

I tried my best but I ended up running into the devil spawns anyway.

It was probably inevitable but at least I can say I tried. I was in no mood to resist or even think of fighting back so I let them push me over like always, my weak body stumbling around like I was a rag doll. I took the punches and kicks and insults without struggling against their grip and I tried my hardest to hold back on crying. It hurt, I won't lie, but it was nothing compared to what happens at home. The homophobic slurs went in one ear and out the other due to constantly hearing them and that was the worst part. Even someone as terrible as me should never have to get used to mistreatment— it's not right. Maybe if I was a little less pathetic I could say something about it and my voice would matter.

I stared at the ceiling with a blurry vision as Yahiko yanked my head back by my hair to whisper insults in my ear. His friends laughed and spit on me degradingly as tears and blood mixed and dripped down my face. I kept game but it hurt. It really fucking hurts. And i'm so weak... I can't do anything but watch as they walk away from me in loud laughter. I ended up using the rest of my energy to pull myself and rest against the nearest wall. I wiped away the blood on my face slightly on the sleeve of my jacket. Today made me realize that I put this sweater through so much... blood, rain, tears, other...bodily fluids. My sweater is the only thing that is a constant in my life.

My efforts to stand up were useless and so I just sat there groaning in pain and misfortune for as long as I needed to. The soreness from earlier was multiplied by a thousand, and I still have to go home and face my parents afterwards. My death will probably be a painful one, with people pulling at me until I tear apart like paper. I wished that I could help myself. I wished other people would notice my pain. 

I just sat against the wall and hoped somebody will notice and call the nurse. I struggled to keep my eyes open for even a few seconds. I closed them and the last thing I remember is slipping unconscious.


	13. a visitor from the past

As soon as Naruto woke up, a feeling of pure agony washed over him. His body ached and stung so badly that he felt like he might actually die this time and he can't help the deep sob that rips through him. Naruto sits and cries, barely focused on trying to get up and get home, figuring that he'd rather sit in pain here than at home. The echoing footsteps make the pounding feeling in his head increase by tenfold, his energy quickly depleting at the terrible sensation. Right now, Naruto feels so pathetic and alone. The blood on his body and clothes has dried up by now, turning into a crusty deep red color that's probably going to stain his favorite jacket now. His bloody lip and nose has been washed away by his tears and for a while it looked like Naruto had been crying bright red. Blood is in his hair and on the ground and he knows for a fact that all of it is his. Yahiko and his group walked away completely untouched, and the puddles of crimson around him came from his own injuries.

Another sob escaped Naruto as he wondered what the fuck he was still alive for. Why was he sitting here beaten, bruised, and bloody when he could be in a coffin six feet under? He imagined that he was happy and not going through this to numb the pain, and it was starting to slowly make him feel worse. Naruto knew this would never end. The bullying, the abuse, the falling in love with stupid boys. That was his never ending cycle. Naruto felt that if he wanted to truly be happy, his only option would be to die... and even with how scary that seemed it made Naruto feel something. If he was dead, he'd never be treated like this again. He would never need to worry about the rude comments from his parents and peers, or being punched in the face for doing nothing but breathe. They could ridicule him all they wanted but he didn't have to be here to hear them.

The footsteps got louder and Naruto winced as they stopped. He closed his eyes and hoped that it wasn't somebody who hated his guts, somebody who would take this as another opportunity to kick him while he was literally down. A muffled voice spoke, then giggled a little before the door slowly creaked open. Naruto stared at the darkness behind his eyelids for what felt like and eternity before anything happened. It was suffocating, the brief moment of silence. Naruto swallowed hard and prayed to every god he could think of that they'd just see him and leave him to be if they were here to hurt him more.

"Naruto? Oh my god." He peeked his eye open to see a small girl rummaging around in her bag. He quickly recognized the girl's short pink hair and let out a sigh of relief, knowing that as much as she had hated him she wouldn't hurt him more than he deserved. "You're covered in blood."

Sakura looked at Naruto with watery eyes that never seemed to dry every time she looked up from her bag. She was holding whatever medical equipment she had on her at the moment tightly in her hand, inspecting each visible injury carefully before deciding what to do. Honestly, Sakura didn't know if she could or wanted to help Naruto. Her resentment was telling her to walk away, yet every time she watched the blond teen in front of her wince at the tiniest movements her mind was telling her to help him. She watched his chest move up in down slowly in an irregular pattern before deciding.

"Who did this? They need to be arrested..." The girl spoke softly yet somehow in a scolding manner. She leaned over to use some disinfectant wipes to clean away the fluids, running through almost all of them before she got to see any real damage. Cuts and scrapes that would scar upon healing, and bruises that looked like they could last a lifetime. She disinfected them carefully and patched them up while waiting on an answer before moving downwards just to make sure. "I'm going to need to take this off... Is it okay with you?" Naruto let out a slow and reluctant nod, hopping she wouldn't question anything she didn't need to. He was deeply afraid that she'd be disgusted by skinny figure and the scars from years ago. He didn't want anyone to see his very visible rib cage covered only by disgusting pale, damaged skin, he didn't even want to see it himself. He hissed at the movement as Sakura removed his jacket and ordered him to lay back. He still did what she asked, leaning his head on the dirty floor for the second time today, and he cried a little as she began to lift his shirt up to reveal more bruises. He felt ashamed and he couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, p-please don't look..." He couldn't help but sob. Sakura shushed him and nodded at him with tears running down her cheeks. Even after so much medical training after school she'd never learned to take care of anyone as bad as this. She could only do so much for his injuries, but there was absolutely nothing she could to help Naruto's insecurities.

The dried blood that had soaked through the layers of clothing made Naruto's shirt stick to his small torso a little bit. The pinkette peeled away the fabric from the skin, her breath caught in her throat as she held back a small whimper. After that she didn't ask him anything else, already seeming to understand the situation as it was. She just wanted to help him at this point... all of her reasons to dislike him had flew out the window by now and she was starting to wonder why she did in the first place. If she hadn't been so caught up in a boy, she could've been the friend that he needed all along. Something was telling her she could've prevented this somehow, and it made her heart sting with worry and guilt. But she could worry about how she felt later.

"It's okay, you'll be okay," She said while trying to hide the redness in her face from her previous tears. "You need to report this, Naruto. Maybe if you try talking to someone it can help. I don't know the first thing about how you feel right now, so maybe you might no listen to me, but you're worth more than this." Sakura took a deep breath and blinked away the tears in her eyes. Naruto sat quietly and closed his eyes to try to remedy the pounding headache in the back of his head. "I'll call for a ambulance. I'll be right back."

Naruto shook his head and spoke panicked, "No! I can't afford it..." he admitted, ashamed. "I'll have someone pick me up. Thank you, Sakura."

She smiled at him before exiting the boy's restroom cautiously, checking the hallway for any passing students that would question he intentions for being inside. With a final wave, she disappeared. Keeping her words in mind, the blond boy reached for his phone and began to dial a number.


	14. Im not looking for a hero, but I’d like to be saved

The device rang slowly, and Naruto's voice hitched as he fidgeted with the hem of his too big shirt nervously, trying to distract himself from the pain he was feeling. He felt disgusted and embarrassed at the fact that he was even about to ask someone for help, even though he knew he was too helpless to get anywhere by himself. Naruto had no problem doing things for others even if it inconvenienced him but he could never, ever bring himself to worry others with his presence. He was a nervous wreck as the phone had been ringing been ringing for only a few seconds now but it felt like a hour. The hurting part of him hoped that the phone would be answered so that the noise would cease. It finally did, and a familiar voice spoke softly.

"Naruto, hey...You called on purpose?" The blond teen took a deep breath as he basked in the familiar comfort of Sasuke's voice. He felt frozen as he held the phone in his lap loosely and put it on speakerphone. It's been a while since he's called Sasuke and he wasn't sure why he couldn't have just called someone who he knew just as well. It nerve wracking even though he spoke to him not very long ago on the roof.

"Y-yeah, I did," Naruto spoke quietly with a shaky voice. "I need your help. I'm pretty sure I broke my whole body and I can't get home alone like this and... I-I just need a ride if you aren't busy..."

"No. No, I'll be there in a minute let me just... Where are you?" Naruto answered his question and listened to the rummaging sounds in the background. "Stay where you are." A beeping sound signaled that the call had ended, and Naruto sat the phone down on the ground. All he had to do was wait now, and that was probably the most boring part. He stared at the lights until his eyes hurt and stung. He tried distracting himself with tiny things that would keep him away from the confines of his very own thoughts. As soon as he stopped paying attention to something his mind would automatically slip to the idea of suicide or the abuse he had endured, and it left him feeling miserable and afraid. Naruto hated being alone.

After he had ran out of things to inspect in the room the only thing he could do was recite songs in his brain. Unfortunately all of his favorite songs were either too upbeat for him to handle at the moment, or too sad for him to hear without crying. He hummed quietly to himself as he waited for Sasuke patiently in an effort to relieve his stress. Naruto continued with this for a whole 10 minutes before he started to believe that Sasuke wouldn't show.

_"he's not coming for you. just die already. just lay here and die like the fag _ _you are. nobody cares about you. you can't even care about yourself."_

_"fucking loser."_

Naruto groaned and ignored the tickling sensation on his cheeks. He knows that there are people who do care. Sakura cares, Hinata cares... he even has Jiraiya and even Sasuke came back to him. He didn't have a group of people who he mattered to but he had them, and it meant the world. And the fact that a few pesky thoughts could be his worst demons irritates him and saddens him more than anything. He shakes his head and wipes away the salty tears on his face before trying to stand up again. It's still no use. A few minutes later the door swings open and he's met with a worried gaze, and the figure rushing over to him so fast made him dizzy.

Naruto tried his best to convey his thanks through his eyes because he was too tired to speak at all anymore. He looked into Sasuke's dark ones that were framed with dark circles and were void. Sasuke's face looked pale, even paler than Naruto's, like he'd just seen a ghost. Naruto felt even worse for bothering the teen and interrupting whatever he had going on back at home because it was clearly something. His legs still burned at the sudden stretch when Sasuke moved to help him off of the ground, actually he felt the aches and stinging in his entire body, but it was a lot better now that he had some support. Sasuke had adjusted so that most of Naruto's body weight was shifted on him, and it wasn't that much of a hassle considering the boy had lost so much weight. Sasuke was alarmed at how light he actually was as the two stumbled down the hallway and out to the parking lot. The sun had barely set, and there was a few people still left in the building but that's it. Sasuke peeked back once and looked at Sakura who was standing down the hall. He frowned, and held Naruto tighter and closer

Sasuke helped the injured teen into the borrowed car and moved over to the drivers seat where he quickly started the car up and began to drive. Sasuke started to interrogate him in the same tone Sakura had, only slightly more worried and irritated. Naruto shook his head and shrugged only, as he knew he'd have to explain everything else if he said one thing and his energy had already slipped away hours ago.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." Sasuke said and looked at the injured boy sitting in the passengers seat, only taking his eyes off of the dozing teen for a second to watch the road. "You need to see a doctor. And a therapist. What the hell, Naruto? You have to take care of yourself."

"Do _not_ take me to the hospital. I will never forgive you if you do." The blond snapped angrily, part scared of what that would mean for his family. They weren't much, but he didn't trust Sasuke to be there if something happened.

"I'm taking you. I'd rather you be mad at me forever then watch you practically kill yourself. I want to know who did this to you, and for how long, because that bruise should have gone away by now," Sasuke said sternly and drove, his jaw clenched. Naruto wanted to slump in the seat but his back hurt too much, so he let out an angry huff instead. Yeah, he was grateful, but Sasuke would ruin his life for real this time.

"I'm sorry." 

Naruto continued to insist that going was a bad idea. Sasuke never changed his mind throughout the whole drive. Naruto knew that he couldn't blame all of the injuries on some petty bullying, and he surely wouldn't be able to explain to the doctors and nurses why he was starving himself like they'd want him to. He's never had to worry about going to a hospital since he always hid his injuries well and had Kushina and Minato looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody ever noticed the pain he was in constantly. He shivered at the thought of sitting in the room with people looking at him with sorry looks of pity and fake sympathy like they do on TV. He hated it. Almost as much as he was about to hate Sasuke.

"Just take me home..." He said while leaning his head up against the seat. Naruto stared at his lap, hoping Sasuke would just understand but also knowing in the back of his mind it was a pointless argument. "If you really care about me then take me home.

"I'm taking you to the hospital _because_ I care. I know you might think that i'm just making things worse by trying to force my way into your life again all of a sudden. If you saw yourself through my eyes you'd know how badly you need this though, you look like you could die just from tripping over your own shoelaces. I'm afraid that i'll lose you and I can't have that." "You couldn't even stand up alone, and you're so damn skinny that the wind could sweep you away. I need you to get better, and if forcing you to see a doctor means that then i'm going to do it. I'll be there for you and I won't let anything happen to you, I promise, so can we just do this together? I'll be right next to you for as long as they let me."

Naruto just nodded as he didn't want to put up anymore of an argument. He had nothing to defend himself with. Sasuke was right. He was hurting badly, and just because he'd gotten used to his life didn't mean it was any less dangerous. Maybe since Sasuke had noticed, everyone else did too, but maybe everybody else just didn't care about him enough to say anything. He was still against the whole hospital idea and he was afraid too. His parents would probably skin him alive if he didn't keep his mouth shut good enough; it felt like this was a test from god to see if he really did deserve to die. He was really going to fail and go to straight to hell.

Naruto was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt his hand being gently entwined with Sasuke's. The dark haired male still had his eyes on the road as he drove single-handedly, which scared the hell out of him because he wanted to die, but not in some freak accident. But Sasuke's hand was soft against his cut up hands and he liked it. The feeling wasn't new, just missed and Naruto found he still didn't mind it even if they weren't so close anymore. It gave him something else to think of. Naruto held onto his pale hand as tightly as he possibly could and enjoyed the small bit of affection while they drove down to the hospital. Naruto stared out of the window again as his body calmed, already forgiving Sasuke even though he said he wouldn't.


	15. right here with you

"Uzumaki Naruto?" A voice asked, and Naruto woke up from his slumber. The uncomfortable hospital bed still felt like heaven against his bruised back as his body extremely sore and he was so tired. His nap had only been 15 minutes long which definitely wasn't enough time to help him even begin to catch up on all the years of insomnia. Sasuke sat in the corner of the room in one of the chairs silently with one leg folded over the other and his head resting on his knuckles, and Naruto wondered if he was worn out as well.

Naruto blinked thrice before he realized that he was supposed to be saying anything. "Um, yes that's me..." he answered half asleep. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Perfect. I'm Lisa, I'll be your nurse for today. How do you feel right now?" The dark-haired lady asked and moved over to him, inspecting his injuries thoroughly. His legs had fresh bruises from the kicks he'd received which explained why he had trouble walking. They ached, along with his arms, torso, and his face as she touched the cuts there. 

"Like shit." Naruto stared at here plainly.

"I could've guessed that." Naruto nodded and Lisa smiled sadly at him. "Mind telling me how this happened?"

He paused and looked over at Sasuke for a split second. Not because he expected Sasuke to come up with a lie for him, but just as reassurance for himself. Making sure he was really there was calming for his nerves. It helped him think about what was best for himself, and reminded him that doing what was best for himself might relieve some of the stress away from his friend. If he told her the truth, things could go two ways: he might be able to finally to escape his torturous life or he'd be forced to return back to the house where his parents would beat the living shit out of him for opening his mouth at all. He definitely had hope for the first but the latter was much more likely with luck like his. That was the unfiltered truth, but looking at Sasuke granted him a sense of protection. And yet he still clamped his mouth shut and was unable to speak from fear.

Sasuke begged with his expression, an uneasy look on his face. Naruto breathed in through his nose deeply and let out a shaky breath through his mouth, his whole body trembling and aching deeply. Sasuke's hands were clasped together tightly as if he was trying to hold onto to his last shred of sanity but couldn't quite reach it, and was settling for this instead. "I got beat up."

"You had a fight?" Naruto shook his head at Lisa's question and watched Sasuke out the corner of his eye who was willing him to go on. Naruto realized that he was the only person in the room who knew the truth of everything that was going on in his chaotic life. And everyone wanted an explanation that he wasn't ready to give.

"It wasn't a _fight._" He grimaced. "I was assaulted."

Lisa scrunched her brows together and wrote something down on a clipboard, "I'm so sorry this happened to you, Naruto. Have you reported this?" She asked, her eyes sad when she looked at him.

"No, I haven't," Naruto mumbled and the lady only shook her head at his words, her heart aching for the blond boy who was clearly going through a lot. She looked over at Sasuke who was trying his hardest to keep his composure and remain calm for Naruto. Lisa could see in both of their eyes that they were troubled but she decided not to bring that part up for discussion. After all, she was a nurse, not a therapist or a police officer. It wasn't her job to prod, only to help.

She jotted down everything Naruto told her on the paper held by her clipboard before further inspecting the teen's swelling. She was almost sure that he had at least one fractured bone from today, and Naruto had older bruises so she wasn't completely sure if there were any underlying injuries causing him pain. The more skin she uncovered the harder it became to work around the fresher wounds. Lisa remembered seeing tons of busted up teens during her career, but nothing as frightening as this. It was like a nagging feeling in her skull telling her to keep a careful eye.

Naruto winced as she disinfected the injuries and put new bandages over the cuts that had entirely soaked through the bandages Sakura wrapped him in. When Lisa finally got around to icing his bruises he felt like he was in heaven as the coldness contrasted the burning and aches in his body. When she was done Naruto was feeling slightly better but still very crappy. 

"Before I go i'd like to check your lungs and your heart. Also, you'll definitely have to do under an x-ray tonight. Don't count on making it home anytime soon, either. We'll make sure your parents are alerted of your stay, so please don't worry about that--"

"No! Please don't tell them I'm here, I can't--- just don't let them come! Please!" Naruto pleaded desperately, fear rattling his bones at the mere thought of his parents seeing him now lying in this bed vulnerable and ready to break. Tears welled in his blue eyes and began to leave shiny trails down his bruised up face. His voice was raspy as he begged. Through the hoarseness and cracks his misery was evident. 

She only looked at him with the frown of guilt and worry. "I'm sorry, Naruto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. I won't write these notes often, but it's my first time updating with new chapters in almost a year so I felt the need to.


	16. Nothing Lasts

"I'm sorry, Mister, but visiting hours are over," A tall male nurse spoke. Sasuke looked over from the resting blond a few feet away and up at the person who spoke softly, nodding slowly as he began to stand from his seat. His legs felt sore as he had been sitting from hours and he was sure he looked a mess as for the last half hour he's been pulling at his hair and watching Naruto in his sleep like it was the last time he'd see him. Sasuke was still kind of scared to leave, he'd truly been dreading this moment.

"When can I see him again?" He asked calmly and gathered the car keys in his palms. 

"It depends on how he's feeling, but try stopping by tomorrow at around 9 in the morning. He might not wake up that early since we've loaded him up with pain meds that tend to make patients a bit drowsy." 

"Okay," Sasuke said with a barely noticeable frown. Tomorrow felt like forever away, but it would have to do. "He'll be okay." It was mostly a statement of reassurance for himself but he looked at the nurse while he said it, keeping his face as still as possible. 

"I know he will! It's that smile, you know? This kid... he gives a warming aura. I put my faith in him." 

Sasuke nodded once more and turned back to the unconscious teen one last time. It feels like an odd repeat of the past, how it's always him walking away from Naruto, and Sasuke realizes how much he hates it. This time, though, it's for Naruto. So he can get better. So he can heal and get the help he needs. And in the morning Sasuke will come back to see his face and hopefully he might feel better and that way they can both begin to heal properly. "Thank you," he spoke up after pressing a soft kiss to Naruto's forehead over his blond hair, bowing a bit before exiting the room.

The air had become too chilly as he walked out to his car. It was already nighttime so of course the sun had set, and so with the lack of warmth the walk to the car from the hospital left him shivering just a bit. When he finally reached the vehicle he unlocked it hastily and practically jumped inside, mumbling as he shoved the keys in and the car came roaring to life. He turned up the heat instantly and gave himself a minute to soothe his nerves before he got on the road. The parking lot was mostly empty but he was sure the roads would be a completely different story at this time. He also didn't have his license quite yet and the only reason he was allowed to take the car was because it was an emergency. If he got pulled over for poor driving his dad would kill him, and then Itachi would probably join in just for the fun of it.

After about 5 minutes he was able to get his hands steady enough to steer properly. It was a whole new feeling of betrayal as he pulled out of his parking space, and it only made it worse that he could see Naruto's window from where he was. Sasuke drove fast away from that place under the impression that tomorrow would come the faster he could get home and go to sleep. It felt weird to be leaving without Naruto since they'd drove here together. Sasuke also wanted to be the one to bring him home. 

Sasuke watched the road but every so often he peeked up at the glowing moon. It wasn't a thing to make a wish to the moon but he did anyways, expressing how he wanted everything to be okay at the hospital and hoped that these things wouldn't happen to Naruto anymore. It gave him a faux sliver of faith and even though he was fully aware that there was nothing in the solar system that could make things easier. Seeing Naruto all beaten and bruised was a real eye opener to how shitty this world was; the days would be long and grueling no matter what.

"Is he okay?" Mikoto asked anxiously, biting her perfectly manicured nails as she inquired about Naruto. Sasuke dropped the keys into his dad's palm as he walked past, sighing and ruffling his dark hair that was disheveled. He felt like literal crap.

"I don't know," he told her honestly and it felt like being punched in the gut, for them both. Every time he had to question Naruto's health it felt like his stomach was being flipped inside out. "He's not going to die. It isn't my place to say this, but I think he needs help. Physically...Mentally?" Sasuke felt a sob creep up his throat but he swallowed it back down and steadied his emotions.

Mikoto frowned deeply and clasped her hands together. "His injuries are that bad? Do you think we should maybe alert his parents? They can talk to him about his health, right?" He shook his head and bit his lip until a stinging sensation came about.

"He doesn't even want them to know he's been admitted. He didn't want to go himself." Sasuke sighed. "I don't know why. I want to know, but I don't think I need to. I think we shouldn't say anything unnecessary. It'll make it easier on Naruto."

Mikoto gave him a sad look as she didn't know what to say. She extended her arms out to reach for her son and pulled him in for a tight hug, to which he gladly melted into, her warmth making him feel just a little better even though the situation at hand had not been at all affected in those seconds. It was around this time that Itachi and Shisui stumbled out of the room as they tried to fit through the door frame at the same time, playfully arguing about something, anything. They paused when the noticed the scene in front of them, their mouths hanging open due to their lack of words.

"Bathe and rest a bit..." Mikoto ran her thumb over the flawless pale skin on Sasuke's cheek and gave an empathetic smile before she pulled away. "I'll just heat up a bit of dinner in an hour or so and then come wake you, okay? I love you, Sasuke."

"I love you too." Sasuke began his tragic walk to the bathroom. 

He tried his best to wash away the remnants of today. He begged the mental images of a beaten and bruised Naruto to just go down the drain along with the soapy water but he had no luck, even after his skin was turning pink from the scrubbing. He washed his hair for much longer than he needed to as he found it soothed his oncoming headache even if it was the smallest bit helpful. By the time he felt okay enough to finally leave the comfort of the stream of water the spray had gone cold. He honestly hadn't even noticed until he snapped out of his thoughts, his skin freezing as he turned the water off. He shivered and rubbed his pale skin to warm himself up as he stepped out.

Sasuke quickly dried his skin and wrapped his towel around his waist and returned to his bedroom. He pulled out a pair of black sweats and a plain back shirt, slipping it onto his pasty figure with a exasperated sigh. He dried his hair as best as he could with how tired he was beginning to get, which was not very well because his face was now stuffed into his pillows and one side of his body was hanging off of his bed entirely. He was so tired and starved that he didn't even bother to climb under the blankets, even though his room was freezing and cold air was blowing directly onto him from his open window. But even if he caught pneumonia it wouldn't stop him from getting the rest he needed so he could be there for Naruto tomorrow. 

Before he knew it he had fallen into a deep slumber that started out with a dream of he and Naruto holding hands on the school rooftop, the blond boy healthy and glowing as the sun kissed his perfectly tan skin and complimented the glisten in his ocean colored eyes. In his dream, Sasuke could only make out the perfect boy in front of him that he'd grown attached to and the clear sky. It was so familiar and so welcoming. But then things began to change.

Suddenly the sun had disappeared. The sky became grey and muggy looking, depressing, and Naruto's hand began to look and feel a bit bony as the rest of his body seemed to wither away. It was like holding a skeleton and his perfectly soft skin became a canvas for cuts and bruises, and Sasuke couldn't help but to fall to his knees in his dream world. Then, the rooftop collapsed from underneath his weak legs. It was so devastatingly painful as he was forced to watch the boy's face scrunch up in distaste as he fell, eventually landing in a huge body of crystal clear water. He let out a gasping breath and realized not only he was drowning, but also that he wasn't even himself. He couldn't have been, because he was looking himself in the eyes right now.   
Cold, distant, dark.

Somehow his black pajamas had become replaced with a familiar looking hospital gown and many cords and needles poked into pale skin. It was an all too familiar sight that was absolutely numbing. He let out another choking scream as an invisible force pulled him further from the surface of the water.

Maybe it was the shock factor that woke him. Maybe it was Itachi pouring a cup of cold water on him. Whichever it was it seemed to do the job because Sasuke jolted awake not a half second later, his cheeks and pillow wet from both tears and the freezing water as he sat up. His brother was just as quick to wrap a warmed blanket around his shivering figure, and the rest of his family came in a moment later with food, pain medicine in case he needed it, and well, support. But he was less worried about himself and more worried about a certain blond, because he'd lost him once already and his dream just made the possibility of that happening again a whole new reality in a completely different way. Sasuke panicked and was held down by familiar hands. 

"You're a mess! My little mess, awe!" The Uchiha mumbled and pulled his younger brother into a hug as he ignored his struggling wet figure. Mikoto and Fugaku looked at their soon worriedly and set the warmed up leftovers down on his desk carefully, rushing to his side and standing near Shisui who was handing over a cup of water to Sasuke to drink. Sasuke took the drink and allowed himself to cry just a bit because his hair was now sopping wet again and nobody would be able to tell the difference with how much water was dripping onto his face. He drank down the water quickly as he didn't want to look at the clear liquid after his dream but also couldn't deny his body.

"What just happened?" Mikoto questioned, everyone expecting an answer.

"It was just a bad dream." Sasuke frowned as he finally pushed Itachi away and tossed the cup somewhere random. He sneered at his brother who wrapped his arms around Sasuke's head and hugged his skull annoyingly tight. "Tch! Get away from me, fool!"

Fugaku made a similar sound and Shisui chuckled slightly, but not in the way that he would as if something was funny or amusing. "Seems like today had an affect on you. Would you like to stay in my room tonight? To keep an eye on you, of course...I don't bite."

"It was _just _a bad dream. I can sleep through it alone," Sasuke lied. "What complete idiot would sleep in the same room as you two, who are inseparable and can't stop touching each other anyway?"

Itachi laughed dryly at that but Shisui pulled him away before he could even respond.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Mikoto questioned his well being and bit her lip.

Sasuke nodded, "Tomorrow will come."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! I meant to post this on Christmas but i'm late. I apologize! As a gift I will update this story twice more today (12.27) to make this a triple update.


	17. being next to you is easy

Sasuke woke up at exactly 7 AM. He took a shower to wash away the crusty feeling of dried tears and sweat from last nights rest, and when he was done he brushed his teeth and washed his face both twice hoping to rid himself of his exhaustion. He even decided to situate the mess that was his hair despite his laziness because he wanted to make sure he was looking his best before he went to see Naruto. That way, Naruto wouldn't have to worry about whether he was taking care of himself or not. He left home feeling much less irritable than usual and ready to see his blond friend. But now, standing in front of Naruto's hospital room he felt nothing short of inadequate. A proper failure, if you will. 

He knocked softly and waited to hear an okay to enter. The voice was hushed but he heard it just barely, so Sasuke quickly opened the door in front of him and stepped inside before closing it behind him quietly. This time there was a different nurse with flowing red-orange hair that was tied up in a neat looking ponytail. She smiled at him brightly but he could still see the tire in her eyes, probably from her shifts. "Sasuke, right? He did tell me that you would be his first visitor, guess he was right..." Sasuke confirmed his identity with a hum before taking his usual seat.

"He'll want to see you when he wakes up again in a bit. He wouldn't stop talking about you, he was so upset that you couldn't stay last night," She said quietly so that she wouldn't disrupt the blond's rest. Sasuke only watched Naruto's peaceful face as he slept, mostly tuning her out and tuning into the teen and his quiet snores. He looked much worse than he did last night as some of his smaller cuts just began to scab over and look ugly, though some of his swelling went down probably because of how much ice they had to use on his bruises. Naruto was still scraped up and his skin was still very pale as he lay almost as still as a dead man, which Sasuke was very glad he wasn't. There was also a fresh cast over his leg that grabbed Sasuke's attention.

After the nurse left, Sasuke moved his chair closer to Naruto's hospital bed since he'd no longer be in the way of her work. Even then he felt he was still too far away, but he also felt he shouldn't reach out and touch him. Naruto felt like a sacred gem right now, one that Sasuke couldn't trust himself with. So instead he gripped the bed railings and pretended like they were holding hands instead. He stayed like that for a while. Just thinking about any and everything regarding them.

About another half hour passed before Naruto began to wake up. He barely made any noise as he blinked his eyes open for the first time in an hour, the dim lighting was still too bright for his eyes. He laid there and stared blankly at the wall for a moment before turning to lay on his back despite the pain, but the ache was soon forgotten when he saw the dark haired male sitting besides him. It wasn't like they'd been separated for long, only a night, but counting his rests, it felt like forever since he's seen Sasuke.

"Sasuke? How long have you been there for?" He asked in a voice that was a mix of excited and embarrassed. He shrugged and looked at the clock on the wall, sort of wondering that for himself.

"It doesn't matter," Sasuke answered and sat up straighter in his seat. "How are you?"

Honestly? Naruto still felt like crap on the inside and out, plus his leg was broken, but he'd had worse. There was also the worry engulfing his mind because there was no doubt that this hospital bill was going to be insane, and he didn't have the money to afford all of this that was stressing him out. It was free to sit at home and take painkillers which was usually how he got over his injuries (though it was much less effective) but instead here he was. This was also going to be a waste because he would just end up right back injured within a week of leaving this place. Naruto wanted to leave but he also felt like being here was his safest option, so he wouldn’t dare complain.

"I’m... good. It’s a little painful but i’m gonna get better soon so it’s okay." Naruto gave a fake smile and pretended like he wasn't completely lying his ass off. There was a very low chance that he was going to be released within the next few days, but the doctors haven't gotten with him on that part yet so Naruto is just as clueless as anyone else. It's only been a day after all. Barely even that. Still, saying optimistic things out loud did make it a little easier to get out of his depressing mind state.

Sasuke gave a small hum but he was still worried deeply about the blond; he didn't want to think about the slight hesitation he had in believing in Naruto’s words. They sounded forced and like there was an eternity of struggle behind them. But wasn't like he could tell Naruto how he felt. All he could do was be glad that he was getting better, even if it was baby steps. "Right.”

They decided to let the silence between them take over for a bit and just watched the boring channels on the terribly placed hospital TV. There was some old talk show on and the guy on the screen was walking very fast, much too fast for either of them to keep up. That combined with the beeping sound of the heart monitor was enough to drive Naruto up the walls with boredom and annoyance but he remained calm and watched the show until he-- very slowly-- began to see crimson red.

Sasuke was barely paying any attention to the television at all. He was looking at the screen, but his mind had drifted off into a place so far away that nobody could reach him there. He felt hazy and warm and content sitting next to the blond even though he was only acutely away of his presence, because Sasuke had found himself stuck thinking about his dream from last night. It was still very prominent in his thoughts but it was more confusing that it was scary now. He wondered deeply if Naruto was truly suffering that much or if he was just imagining it all due to him being a bit over protective of him. Whichever it was, he hoped he could remedy Naruto’s problems if even the slightest bit. Sasuke felt stupid for not being able to prevent this before it happened. Maybe if he'd have been there in the first place Naruto wouldn't have gotten hurt at all. That thought was enough to bring Sasuke out of his mind. He was still staring at the show on the TV moments later, as was Naruto, and when he finally looked away he wore he could see his friend's eye twitch just slightly. It was the sad and foggy blue in his eyes that coaxed words out of Sasuke's mouth, the usually vibrant ocean colored orbs that held a slight agony to them making his need for answers much more urgent than it actually was.

"Naruto, we need to talk."


	18. set me free

_"We need to talk."_

Naruto remembers dreading those words. He always has since he has a terrible habit of overthinking, but this was different. It was different because it was Sasuke, the guy who he cared about the most. Naruto couldn't help the way his mind instantly went to thinking Sasuke was about to tell him off and he hated it. Naruto hated how his eyes always poured all of his emotions out into his lap freely for everyone to see his sobs and feel bad for him. He really did not mean to cry so easily but at home he was always holding it in, and it felt like he could cry enough to fill an entire ocean in front of Sasuke, the one person he could trust not to judge him right now.

It only got worse as Sasuke tried to calm him down and reassure him. He felt very pathetic and lost for no reason right now, not to mention stupid, so his panicked cries made him feel more embarrassed than anything. Sasuke wouldn't do all this for him if he was just going to walk away. Naruto knew that if he knew anything because he hated half-assing things, but still, it was hard for him to stop crying. Crying seemed to be the only thing he could do right these days.

Sasuke felt bad for bringing it up as soon as the tears escaped Naruto's eyes. He knew it wasn't a good time but he couldn't help wanting to know how Naruto had ended up this way. Of course he knew Naruto had gotten beaten up at school, but it seemed like nothing more than a surface scratch to all the questions he had. Complicated questions that required tangled answers and a bit of help unknotting them, but Sasuke wanted to know it all. Though, he didn't want to make Naruto feel pressured, stressed, or anything else. "You don't have to tell me anything," he told the blond teen who only nodded and began to wipe away at his wet cheeks, right as another tear made it's way down his pale skin again. Sasuke felt guilt pooling in his stomach thinking that he was the reason Naruto cried...again. He promised himself not to hurt him and he already broke that promise even if it was on accident. He shouldn't have even opened his mouth at all.

"It's fine but... I can't say it all..." Sasuke nodded. A little was better than nothing. "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for something that isn't your fault."

Naruto spent a while calming down which really just meant staring at the plain hospital walls as he held Sasuke's hand by request, trying his best to even out his breathing and stop his hiccups so that he could get through everything without sounding so wound up. While he didn't plan on telling Sasuke about his parents or more things regarding his home life (because he was ashamed to talk about it, not because he cared about his parents anymore at this point), he figured he could tell him the smaller things. He knew he didn't owe Sasuke any explanation but Naruto could tell that this was something Sasuke cared deeply about, and he saw that he was truly trying to redeem himself, so he trusted him enough. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them to look at where their hands were connected. 

"Put your trust in me."

When Naruto finally calmed down, Sasuke didn't really ask any specific question. He just wanted to know all that he could. Sasuke planned to take some of the burden off of Naruto's shoulders with whatever he was told, and would do his best to take care of his friend. When Naruto started from the beginning and started to tell him everything he felt comfortable with, promised not to judge and to never use any of whatever he learns against Naruto, which were both promises he could stand behind. 

Naruto wished he knew where to start. He feels himself breaking into tiny fragments as he speaks. For the first time, he tells another person about everything he's spent so long keeping inside, and it makes him realize how badly he needs help. It feels a bit more real when he speaks about his mental health out loud, about how much he hates his body, and this life he's living. But seeing how much Sasuke cares about him makes him feel guilty about having those feeling. This was so much harder than he thought it'd be.

Naruto didn't really know what to say at first. He told Sasuke that he didn't get along with his parents very well, and that they weren't good people but not how they were abusive. He told Sasuke about how Yahiko and his friends would beat him down everyday mentally and physically, and that he was scared to get help because he feared that he would still be unable to get rid of them. He partially explained his bruises, but when the pale teen asked about his self harm scars, he was unable to speak. He couldn't admit out loud that he had problems with his body imagine because it sounded silly, but Naruto had a feeling that Sasuke already knew. Naruto skipped that part and Sasuke was completely okay with that, which made Naruto feel a bit safe and less jittery. It made the next part a little easier.

Naruto didn't want to speak about how splitting up with Sasuke had deeply affected him. It was true that Sasuke was aware that he didn't take it very well, but he never told Sasuke how badly he truly hurt Naruto. He would never blame any of his personal issues on him but Sasuke really, really didn't do much to help him when he was going through a rough time. He confessed to Sasuke that he contemplated killing himself so often that he could barely sit through a class without imagining it, how it was taking over his life, and that he didn't know how to get help. But he also told Sasuke how thankful he was for him coming back recently and being so supportive already; he was the foundation that Naruto never had. He did love Sasuke very much-- more than he loved himself.

That was the truest truth he could ever tell.

Sasuke was unsure how to take all of these bits of information. He felt like a sponge that was trying to soak up more water than it could handle. He still allowed Naruto to let everything out as he listened closely and remained quiet. He tried his hardest to hear the words and feel Naruto's emotions so he could truly help him, but it struck him that he would never feel how Naruto felt on the inside. The best he could do was just be here for him no matter what, in a way that nobody had been before. He finally understood how alone Naruto was really and it deeply saddened him so much that he couldn't explain it, but something told him that they hadn't even reached the depths of it all. Sasuke couldn't imagine what it would be like to have nobody on his side-- even when he was alone he still had an army of people standing behind him and his decisions. By his side even when they weren't physically with him.

Naruto did not have that. But now, at least he'd have Sasuke.

He realized he didn't know what to say when Naruto finished telling him everything he wanted Sasuke to know. There was nothing he could say to make things right or fix things so that Naruto would never have to experience those things again. The damage had already been done, and there was enough of it to land him in the hospital, and it hurt to know he played a part in it all. Sasuke's stomach churned and his rib cage tightened so much that he felt that he could die at that moment. And Naruto was still staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything that would let him know he wasn't just talking to a wall basically. When he opened his mouth to say something, Sasuke thought that he might say that he shouldn't have told him that, but instead he said something entirely different.

"You don't have to hide your thoughts from me if that's what you're trying to do. And you don’t have to feel bad for me either, Sasuke. I... I know I just told you so many things like that so...if you want to, you can let it all out and I won't judge you. You know, I thought since I could trust you more than anyone I know right now, it'd be okay to tell you those things, but if I made you feel bad or worried i'd never forgive myself. I’m honestly going to be fine.”

"Naruto, you..." Sasuke started, clenching his jaw tightly and trying to even out himself. It was hard, especially because he was feeling sad but also angry, but not at Naruto. "You kept holding in things like that because you had nobody to tell. I’m sorry, I should’ve been there.”

Naruto only laughed a bit, and after a bit his lips stretched into a smile and his blue eyes shined with the threat of tears and the blessing of a tiny bit of happiness. Even though the moment was stale and sad, Naruto was trying to find the good in it all. He was glad that Sasuke didn't walk away from him right now because he didn't know if he would be able to find a reason to be happy without him right now. Sitting in this stale hospital bed with needles stuck into his pale skin and monitors beeping around him, he would've felt lonely without the raven haired male sitting besides him.

"I know," he said. "but now, at least things can only get better."


	19. Reaching out

With Sasuke by his side Naruto was able to forget all about his worries for the moment. He'd been able to get stuff off his chest after so many years of keeping everything to himself and it felt great, like a weight had been lifted off of him and he even felt physically lighter. The needles poking into his veins were able to be removed finally, and he was even okay to move around now with help from his crutches, which was convenient for when he had to bathe and use the bathroom. Sasuke had been there the entire time making sure he didn't fall over or feel more pain than he had to and Naruto was deeply relieved that he hadn't run off. Naruto knew a lot of people who would run off after everything but Sasuke was keeping his word and sticking around. It made his stomach clench in the good kind of way. It made him happy.

Naruto was hugging Sasuke for the first time in what felt like forever, leaning on one crutch and half allowing the older male to take his body weight, he felt like he might die of happiness. Naruto didn't feel very alone with Sasuke's arms wrapped around him in a secure embrace as he buried his nose in Naruto's blond hair. He couldn't feel the tears drip but he could definitely hear the short noises that told him Sasuke was just as elated about this as he was. It almost made him tear up himself and he would've if it hadn't been for the tiredness pulling at every end of him. 

The knock on the door came a few minutes later. They'd already pulled away by then but they were holding hands and Naruto was kicking his good leg back and forth while he ranted to Sasuke about how much he wanted to get out of here. Not here as in the hospital exactly, but he just wanted to go somewhere new. Somewhere fresh and free of pain. Naruto was startled by the noise and snatched his hand away quickly, calling out for the people on the other side to enter. His heart sped up and he blinked as he watched two familiar figures step inside wearing smiles on their faces. "I hope we aren't disturbing something here?" 

Naruto stared at the white haired man in shock for a while finding that he was unable to conjure up any real sentences. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before his eyes flitted over to the woman next to his side. They are easily that last people he'd expected to see here today, but once Naruto overcame the initial shock he was so happy to see them both. And plus it could always be worse. It could've been his parents.

"_Jiraiya, Tsunade_," the teen breathes out shakily and wobbles on his single crutch a bit. Sasuke steadies him but stays quiet, letting the three have their moment.

"What happened to ya?" Jiraiya questions with a lazy grin as he approaches Naruto to ruffle his hair a bit. Both adults are confused as they both stare at the white cast covering his entire shin and foot, remembering the last time they saw Naruto he'd been perfectly fine. Physically at least. "Look like you've been through hell. Quite a few times, if I do say so myself."

"It's a lot," he replies. "I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm fine though- Sasuke and the nurses are a lot of help."

"That's good." Tsunade steps in and walks forward to caress Naruto's cheek as she inspects his healing bruises carefully. After many years of fighting due to her stubborn sense of justice she can easily identify the bruises as the kind you would get from a fight. Not to mention they're huge and Naruto isn't _that_ clumsy to walk into something large enough to make such a mark. She squints her brown eyes at the blond and is just about to question it when Jiraiya lays a firm hand on her shoulder so she doesn't. At least not right now. Instead she asks "Where are those parents of yours?" and crosses her arms.

"They probably aren't coming.” _It would be okay with me if they never showed up._' Naruto frowns at that but only because it makes him think for the hundred-thousandth time how shitty his parents really are. Tsunade gapes in disbelief but Jiraiya seems unfazed, like maybe he seen it coming. 

"Makes some sense," The white haired man says and nods slowly, holding his chin in thought. "But I didn't think they were the kind of people to just go MIA."

"Excuse me? that's unforgivable," Tsunade chided. "Who the hell goes on a vacation while their son sits in the hospital? They hadn't even bothered to answer the phone! 'Makes some sense'? What the hell sense does that make?!"

The two older adults argued over that for a minute or two, but Naruto decided to tune out and turn back to his waiting friend. He laughed and poked the raven haired males jawline as he watched his serious face. Sasuke helped Naruto back into bed since his leg had begun to ache after almost falling over in laughter and he thanked the raven haired teen with a tight lipped smile and they continued their conversation. When Naruto's stomach growled Sasuke squinted at the blond teen who was smiling sheepishly.

"I'm going to go get something to eat. The doctor said it was fine for you to eat outside food now," Sasuke informed him and grabbed his jacket off the chair, slipping it onto his body quickly. "Do you want anything specific?"

"I would say ramen but that's probably not possible..." Naruto chuckled and sunk his head further into the thick pillow. It was fluffy and soft under his messy hair and he sighed softly. If only the bed itself was made out of the pillow.

"I'll see what I can do about the ramen." With that Sasuke is leaving Naruto alone with the two bickering adults. The sound of the door closing pulled them from their heated debate and they both turn to face Naruto with a sigh. A few seconds later they realized it was his friend who'd disappeared.

"Sorry," they both say at the same time and walk over to sit in the unoccupied chairs. It feels a little weird not seeing Sasuke sitting there but it's okay, since he'll only be gone for a bit and he has two of his other favorite people to keep him company for now.

"It's okay," he forgives with a bright, genuine smile. He draws little swirls into his leg with a finger. "I missed you guys. I meant to call but I kept getting sidetracked. A lot of stuff has happened..." Naruto bit his lip.

"We can see that, kid. Anyways, don't stress to much about it. Just as long as you don't forget about us it's alright. You know, without younger people like you, us old people don't have much to do besides organize funeral papers," Jiraiya joked. "And Tsunade spends her time fantasizing about being my wife."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Tsunade checks. Naruto shakes his head at Jiraiya's deflated figure. They all laugh together a moment later though, and Naruto's heart swells with a sense of appreciation. It's one of the reason he loves them, and they both love him back. He wouldn't say they're the parents he never got to have but sometimes it feels like it. Back then, Tsunade would make sure he was okay at school and Jiraiya would take him out to do the fun things that his own dad never took him to do. It was a long time ago and he's a bit astonished that they haven't become withered dry on this Earth. It's easy to laugh with them, easy to breathe. The feeling Naruto gets with them is similar to the feeling he gets with Sasuke-- it's just that Sasuke is his age and not nearing his 60s, so maybe that's why they're closer. From when he was a child they filled the empty hole in his life with laughs and talks about becoming a good man, and he knows without them he probably would be way worse off than he is now. His parents would've chewed up his personality and spit back out an empty shell without them, and Naruto is lucky to have held on to himself for this long with their advice.

"I can't believe your parent's would abandon you like this. You're such a nice kid, Naruto, how did they let you get so banged up?" Tsunade shivered a little on the inside at the last part, but on the outside her brown eyes stayed hard and her face straight. "And how on earth did you get involved with that Sasuke?"

"Sasuke has been the only person who's cared. As you can see Min—my dad and my mom aren't here right now. Sasuke brought me here and he's even been coming to see me everyday. He's special, okay? I have you two but that's... different."

"Sure," Tsunade huffed. "So you haven't even talked to them?"

"Of course I haven't." Naruto grumbled. "I don't want to talk about it. Can we change the subject?"

Tsunade obliged and dropped the topic quickly. Something inside of her was anxious to know the story behind his parents idiocy but it was clear that Naruto was becoming upset thinking about it, so she didn't prod. It made sense that he was upset— anyone would be upset about their parents not coming to see them. Naruto was bruised up and there was no doubt in her that he'd been worse when he first arrived, which was days ago. She and Jiraiya had been stuck out of town for work and they had to rush back as soon as the white haired male got the call, but it took a while for them to get here. She was shocked to see Sasuke keeping the blond boy company, and she didn't want to mention it but she suspected there was something more between them. The way Sasuke looked at Naruto was much different from how people typically looked at people they considered friends. And Naruto seemed to think he was endearing, charming even. Tsunade knew both of their history well enough, and she was a little skeptical about handing over her precious Naruto to the reckless teen. It seemed like a sign when the teen came in a moment later carrying bags of food and Naruto's expression lit up. It was only when he spoke did she finally understand.

"I got your ramen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This months update schedule is wack. I try for 2 times a month, but finals week has been a mess. This isn’t the best chapter and I apologize for that. Next months updates should be much better.


	20. self control

"Stop flinching," Sasuke orders sternly, the teen pulling away from the cold sensation of the wrapped ice pack being pressed on his face over a stubborn bruise to numb the pain of it. He tried again, reapplying the blue pack but Naruto only moved away again in a jerky movement backwards. "The less you move the less we have to sit here."

Naruto huffed. "I'm fine, I've been through a lot worse on just band-aids and pain pills. Just give me like four pills and i'll be fine for a week."

"You either get one every few hours, or two now and call it a day. I'm trying to help."

"That's bullshit--there's no way two pills is going to last me through the night. And by the way, forcing me to freeze myself isn't helping me." Naruto held Sasuke's wrist still and took the ice pack from his hand, setting it down on the nightstand with a small huff. He did find it nice that Sasuke was trying to help but he wasn't exactly taking the gentlest approach, and Naruto was still a bit sore. He'd been discharged earlier today and the doctor had given them strict instructions that Naruto was to rest for the next week as he healed. Sasuke was doing his best to make sure that he didn't have to do anything that would strain him in the slightest. Besides having to sit up to reapply ointment on a few cuts and tend to his bruises, Naruto was free to lay in Sasuke's bed and roll around in the blankets the best he could without hurting his leg.

Sasuke clenched his jaw and breathed in through his nose before breathing out through his mouth, allowing himself to go slack, turning away from the side of him that wanted to be uptight and strict. He let out a low, "Fine." before picking up the ice pack and going to properly dispose of it. Naruto took this time to flop himself backwards onto Sasuke's pillows and lay there comfortably, the tiredness he'd pushed into the back of his head already starting to resurface. He yawned and turned to bury his face in the soft pillow, breathing in the scent and calming himself into a half conscious state.

Sasuke wasn't very shocked when he returned shortly to find that the blond was letting out quiet snores, knowing that Naruto could fall asleep practically anywhere at anytime if he tried. Still, it was a little weird to see him there. Naruto hadn't slept over his house since long before their split and Sasuke had forced himself to forget the sight of seeing him tangled in his blankets in the mornings and the comfortable warmth he let off whenever they slept in the same bed-- his body heat not smothering but just the perfect mix of warm to go with the cool breeze from his window that mostly stayed open. Having made up, there was a better chance that maybe Naruto wouldn't be repulsed by sleeping in the same bed as him anymore, but were they even okay enough to go back to how things used to be? He didn't know. Sasuke was scared to find out.

Sasuke peeked out at the dark sky through his blinds and sighed deeply. He walked over to his closet quietly and pulled out two sets of sleeping clothes for them both. They could at least get changed before they called it a day. Sasuke struggled with debating whether or not he should wake Naruto up and make him change himself, but waking the teen up was harder than wrestling a Rottweiler. Naruto was always jumpy and alert but there was something about being in the Uchiha household that made him feel comfortable enough to get some good sleep, and there was no way he was going to get up without having the force of the entire earth unleashed on him. Sasuke places the clothes down on his bed and gave the blond a few taps and shakes but when he didn't stir even slightly he realized there was only one option left. Sasuke sighed and climbed into the bed, trying to find some way to slip the clothes onto the teen without being creepy.

He settled for carefully positioning Naruto until he was leaning against him. He had to be careful for his leg and Sasuke tried his hardest not to bump it, though Naruto's face would occasionally scrunch up in discomfort letting him know that he needed to be more cautious. The skin underneath his fingers felt foreign even though he'd touched here plenty of times. Sasuke faced the other way as he slipped Naruto's shirt off over his head and chucked it on the floor. Even though there was no sexual intent behind it, it still felt gross, because there was no denying _it _anymore. Sasuke had pretty much come to terms that he loved and cared about Naruto more than anyone and there was a good chunk of his emotions that weren't platonic. The disgust lingering in his gut had nothing to do with Naruto's bruised skin, or his pale figure, or the way his body seemed as fragile as a doll that has been tossed around carelessly. Sasuke didn't mind all those things-- he didn't like them because it meant that Naruto wasn't as healthy as he should be-- but he didn't they made Naruto any less perfect. It was gross because he knew his hands would stay a little bit too long if they had the chance, and that wasn't okay with him. So he looked away to suppress the urge to feel and reacquaint himself with Naruto's gentle warmth. Sasuke ignored how the softness of his skin still felt nice even over sharp bones protruding in places they shouldn't be. His slow healing bruises were like sad petals scattered across his skin, but the yellowing tones reminded Sasuke that Naruto was one step closer to getting better. Maybe at this point it couldn't get any worse.

He quickly slipped on the black shirt over Naruto's head and guided his arms through the sleeves without much effort, finding that the blond was a lot more pliable than he seemed. Naruto's jeans came next. Sasuke turned away for that, too, as he unbuttoned and unzipped the fabric and tugged it off his legs, over his cast carefully and lastly tossing the denim on the floor with the teen's shirt. He would wash them tomorrow when he was less worn out and maybe they could go back and get Naruto a few of his own shirts and pants to wear as well. That way, if he didn't want to be at home then he could at least have his own belongings here. Sasuke moved to tug his own pair of sweats up the teen's bare legs and he let out a sigh of relief as he was finally able to slip out from his spot and lay Naruto back in his previous position. He picked up the discarded clothing and tossed them in his dirty clothes basket with a long sigh. Sasuke began to pull his own shirt off until a hand reached out to touch his shoulder, making him jump slightly.

"What-" Sasuke was startled until he connected the touch with Naruto's drowsy figure. He was rubbing his blue eyes harshly and he looked slightly disheveled like anyone who'd just woken up would.

"Sorry," he apologized quietly as he pulled his hand back and plopped back down on the bed. "I didn't mean to scare you." Naruto scratched his head guiltily and Sasuke furrowed his brows at the little shake in his voice. If you didn't listen closely enough you would definitely miss it, but the house was deathly quiet for some reason and it was impossible for him to not pay attention. It shocked him; this Naruto was different from the Naruto who laughed too much for his own good, his voice full of joy even on the bad days. This Naruto was just frail and scared all the time, and Sasuke couldn't pin it. Maybe because Naruto didn't want him to.

"Did I wake you?"

Naruto frowned. "No. I keep having these bad dreams. It's stupid but they bother me," he spoke, a scoff passing his lips as he dropped his gaze down to the floor beneath his feet.

Sasuke thought about it as he undressed quickly and got dressed again in something more comfortable. A baggy shirt and a pair of sweats should be more than enough to keep him warm. "It could be nothing, but if you can't stand it so much, do something about it. Find the weeds and cut them out. Simple."

"That only works for simple guys like you. Well, you're simple on the outside at least." Naruto said with a smile. "But the more complicated parts of you make you who you are."

"And who am I?" he hummed.

"My best friend, obviously, teme."

"Dobe," Sasuke replied dryly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Best friend. He'd gotten used to being called that until Sasuke made the grave mistake of revoking their friendship title, and he's only heard that come directly from Naruto's lips twice since then, this being the second time. It's still foreign to his ears and it's hard on his heart for two reasons. One being that Sasuke is afraid that he'll lose the title again, and two being that he doesn't consider Naruto his best friend at all. Naruto is a lot more than just a best friend to him; he's the love of his life. Sasuke doesn't know which one is more frightening-- would he rather lose the person he loves or open up? He'll never be able to fully decide. "Do you need anything before bed?"

"Nah, I think I'm good. Are you staying?" Naruto asks as he closes his eyes and leans back. The need for sleep comes back to him with the reassurance that Sasuke isn't gone or leaving anytime soon.

"I'll take the couch or something. I may have to take Itachi up on that offer and hope I don't wake up smothered between him and Shisui with their shirts off."

Naruto laughs a little bit, a residue smile left on his face. Sasuke is deadly serious which makes it all the more funny and Naruto knows exactly how Itachi is. There's no doubt he won't make space for his baby brother on his bed even if it means no cuddling with one of his favorite people. But Naruto is maybe selfish, and maybe he wants to keep Sasuke to himself tonight.

"Just stay with me. I don't mind-- you know I never have."

"Your leg." The raven haired teen point outs the obvious and Naruto opens his eyes only to roll them at Sasuke, who stands there like it's his job to be completely still.

"So? Who cares? We've slept in the same bed while I was injured plenty of times. Remember that time when we both thought my ribcage was fractured and I made you hold me even though I was about to throw up from the pain?"

"It's not the same—"

"Shut up, Sasuke. Stop finding excuses and just come on. Nobody wants to sleep in the same bed as their half naken brother." Naruto waved him over and he took a slow step forward. "Hit the light."

Sasuke nodded and went to turn off the lights, suspending the entire room in darkness save for a little sliver of light from the moon peaking through his curtains. He walked across the room quietly and let out a small sigh as he climbed in bed behind Naruto and slipped under the blankets. An instant warmth spread across his skin and urged him closer until they were firmly pressed together, comfortably squished despite having an entire bed. He draped his arm over Naruto's torso the way the blond likes. Sasuke can vividly remember the first night Naruto came to him covering in tears and blood. He never found out what happened that night but he had his suspicions, and Naruto stayed the night because he just couldn't go home for some obvious reason that left Sasuke anxious. It was around 1 AM when he confessed that the cuddling made him feel safe and wanted and grounded to earth, because sometimes he felt like he was losing himself and the touches reminded him that he was still here. It was just engraved in Sasuke's brain to hold him this way anytime they were in bed together and secretly he didn't mind it all that much even though he was weird about it whenever his parents teased them during breakfast. Between him and Naruto it was perfectly normal and— on it's own— platonic.

But it was different now. They'd both been given time to think about their emotions during their time apart. Sasuke wanted to touch Naruto in ways more than just friendly, wanted them to be pressed together in an entirely different sense. The chances of that were thin with Naruto in his current physical and mental state and they both had better things to focus on than relationships and sex. For fucks sake— Sasuke didn't have a clue if Naruto even thought of him that way. He wouldn't be surprised if the blond only stuck to him like this because Sasuke was the only person willing to let him, the only person who could stomach seeing him at his worst and not run away like everyone else. Even if that wasn't the case he had no interest in getting with Naruto while he was unstable, because Sasuke wasn't even stable himself, and two loose screws will only cause them to collapse entirely.

"Sasuke?" The blond calls out shyly, voice low just in case Sasuke was sleeping. But he's wide awake despite being tired to death just a few moments ago. His mind races with a million thoughts, and if he was any dumber he'd be scared Naruto heard his frantic thoughts and was confronting him about it. But that's impossible so there's no way he knows.

"What?" He whispered back.

"Good night."

He doesn't say anything back. He just closes his eyes and sinks further into the familiar warmth and it's only a few minutes before he's fully unconscious. He can feel Naruto there even in his dreamless slumber and it's enough to keep his own bad dreams that he hadn't mentioned at bay, and he opens his arms for the darkness to lead him into the morning.

Naruto dreams of a perfectly functional family, and though he's happy, he's always fully aware that he's dreaming. It'll be over too soon and he'll go back to his dirt life in the real world with parents who don't give a shit enough to visit him in the hospital, where the only real family in his life doesn't belong to him. But for now he dreams of wrestling around with his dad with grass stains on his knees, his mother sitting a bit behind on a blanket and a basket full of ramen packed beside her. He dreams of the sun and the blue sky— not running home in the dark with puddle of water splashing beneath his worn sneakers. He dreams of Sasuke holding his hand afterwards as he tells him about his fun day at the park. He's happy and living in a literal utopia.

Morning will come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day! I know a lot of people don't celebrate it at all or just don't have a valentine, but I will be everyone's valentine today and I will love you with everything in me. I don't care if you're a stranger on the internet or one of my closest friends. I think you're all very lovely and beautiful, and all of your nice comments make me blush (even though you can't really tell because i'm dark-skinned but I can still feel it lol). Here's a million kisses and hugs because all of you are the loves of my life and I've never been this happy before I started writing for you all. I've been writing this story for 2-3 years now included before I unpublished it and all the support has really helped me so much! I love you all very very much and thank you for everything.   
p.s- Today i'm really vibing to Broken Youth by Nico Touches the Walls and I just heard it and all this nostalgia punched me in the face. I love that ending ALMOST as much as I love you all. I was listening to it on repeat while writing this and phew, I almost added more fluff than needed...


	21. bittersweet mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to make this very clear; People who self harm AND have mental illnesses CAN fall in love. Romanticizing these things is not the same as depicting a HEALTHY relationship between two people in a fanfiction. Sasuke does not love Naruto because he is vulnerable. Naruto does not love Sasuke because he is desperate for love or attention.   
I've gotten lots of comments (which i have not approved) saying that I romanticize mental illness and abuse and "cover it up with fluff". That is simply not true. This story would progress much faster than it is now. I've been holding off on updating for months because I've been so pissed about it. People who are hurt can still fall in love, and if you think otherwise fuck off. If you think this story is just a simple slowburn BL fic you are immature and mistaken. This story is literally about them opening up, learning to love themselves and each other, and also about finding the courage to face the painful things in life and just say "no more." It's about knowing when to get help.   
There has been fluff but not very many outright romantic gestures because I really just want to pin it and focus on Naruto getting better, and literally if you haven't been paying attention this entire time then that's on you. I'm not romanticizing it just because i'm not writing about a character who is unable to love and unable to get better. That's childish, grow the fuck up and stop leaving comments on my story. There is no need for you to insult and attack me or my writing when you can simply -l e a v e-. I have not begged anyone to read this story the entire time I've been writing it, and I won't start with you, you know who you are.

Naruto can't help it. Throughout the entire breakfast he picks at his food, eating only small bits at a time and dishing out fake reassurances concerning his mood to the family surrounding him. He feels out of place and small, like everything that makes up his very existence is just begging to disappear. His knees knock together under the table as a tremble wracks through him and it hurts even through the soft fabric of these clothes that aren't his, but Naruto hides the pain as well as he always does. Everything around him seems fleeting, bound to disappear, and it's scary. He doesn't want to be alone, but being with others is just as stressful. The only thing keeping him grounded is Sasuke who keeps trying to hold his hand under the table but Naruto's hand can't shaking enough for him to do so, so Naruto just pretends he doesn't notice the gesture by shakily shoving more rice in his mouth, chewing slowly and looking in the opposite direction. With the rice goes down guilt, a searing painfulness sliding down his throat that sits heavy in his stomach. Naruto doesn't eat much after that. It's too hard to focus on anything besides trying to keep himself calm during the threat of a panic attack and the unbearable feeling of being full.

Sasuke's father clears out first, rushing off to work after telling everyone goodbye and that he'll be back in time for dinner. Then Shisui takes off soon after him, and Itachi follows behind after they thank the lady for the decent meal again. That leaves Sasuke, Naruto, and Mikoto together at the table. It's a little nerve wracking with less people to keep everyone's gaze away from his small figure, the teenager barely manages to keep it together, if holding on by a weak thread counts as keeping it together.

Even on crutches, Naruto tries his hardest to clean up after the family to show his gratitude. He doesn't break any dishes so that's one accomplishment, but it ultimately means nothing by the funny look he gets in return from Sasuke's mother. It's not a mean glare or anything of the sorts, but she looks a little disappointed at the sight of his barely touched dishes. Naruto has the sense to feel bad for not being able to each much, especially since it was a much better meal than what he gets at home, but he can't control his body or his anxiety or really anything, because he's just that terrible at doing things like living. He's about to apologize for something he has no power over before Sasuke scoops out the tension and the food on the counter and gives his mom a pleading look.

"Don't," he whispered at her. "It's not his fault." 

The woman nodded and breathed out a long sigh. "I know! I don't mind the food! I was just... I was hoping he'd be able to..."

Naruto disengaged from the conversation before the woman could finish her sentence. He didn't want to hear them talking about him like he wasn't there, and the last thing he needed to hear was how his eating problem was only getting worse and worse. It stressed him out and in return he ate even less, which was really a problem of his considering he was already struggling to get at least one quarter of a full meal down on his best days. At least before he hadn't been so obvious about it. His current state was so much more painfully difficult to ignore. It was just like something had snapped one day and he was at square one, and shit was still hitting the fan even though he couldn't possibly get worse.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," Mikoto apologized softly, making Naruto look up from his feet and into those dark eyes that resembled Sasuke's. "You don't need to feel bad about it. Do you have anything you prefer to eat?" She gave him a small smile as she awaited his answer, and Naruto's thoughts swished around before he came to his usual conclusion. 

"Ramen." Naruto looked over at Sasuke with wide blue eyes. The two erupted into laughter that he didn't quite find himself able to join in.

Mikoto's laughter slowed into little giggles, and she gave Naruto's blond hair a gentle stroke and patted his cheekbone gently in a small show of affection. "I suppose some things never change."

"I should get these." She nodded at the two boys before turning to the dishes. "Go on. I can't let an injured boy clean for me." Mikoto grinned at the two and the raven haired teen shook his head before turning around to walk away. Naruto smiled at her in appreciation and the lady shoo'd him off with a tiny chuckle. So he thanked her properly and turned around to follow Sasuke who was waiting to aid him up the steps. He ended up mostly carrying Naruto and his crutches which was fine with Sasuke seeing as it wasn't the hardest labor he'd ever done. He wasn't even the one that sighed a breath of relief when they finally reached the top. Sasuke frowned at that but he didn't take it out because he knew fully well that it was just Naruto and him not liking things to be done for him, but he wished he was more open to his help. Sasuke was trying with him. He really was, but there was only a certain amount of knowledge he had when it came to these things, yet simply just asking seemed completely out of pocket.

Naruto sat down on the bed and threw himself backwards, letting out a long sigh as he ran his hands over his face. The humiliation was nearly unbearable. Not the same kind of feeling he got from being put down by his parents, but just as bad, the thought of being so blatantly miserable that an entire family feels the need to care for you. Naruto knows that he could use the help more than anything right now. At least until both of his legs are capable of getting him place to place. But then where would he go after that? Lord knows he needs a safe place to sleep, a proper meal (or many), someone or something to vent to when all of his pent up emotions threaten to plague him for the next few weeks. At least here he has basic human rights. But the thing is... he's never been treated this nicely before. Naruto has never been able to sit down and have a proper conversation with his parents, he isn't allowed an opinion unless he feels like getting punched in the face before his classes starts. He can't properly function anymore due to the sudden niceness. His brain has yet to process that this is a good thing and to stop trying to run away for once. Maybe it's a good thing that god made him a cripple and stuck him with the Uchiha family.

The bed dips beside him and Naruto peeks through his fingers to look at a Sasuke who is sitting just at the edge of the bed. From his side view he can clearly tell that he's trying to steady himself, his eyes closed and chest moving in deep breaths. Naruto remembers how he completely ignored Sasuke during breakfast and that same rock in his stomach comes up again, but it stays there, branding him and blocking his words. What he wants to do is apologize until he's dizzy, make up for it, but can he really do that right now? The words will come out a jumbled mess of rushed whispers no matter how hard he tries. It's not fair that Sasuke is always the one going out of his way to apologize when it's nobodies fault. So he does the next best thing and sits up to reach out, letting his fingers graze over Sasuke's shoulder gently before finding purchase by gripping the dark fabric there in a soft tug enough to grab his attention.

"Oi." Sasuke turns to face him, his hand coming up to rest over Naruto's. The blond teen ignores the comforting way his thumb swipes over each bony knuckle just barely and forces himself to look Sasuke in the eye. "What's wrong?"

"Thank you for that," he manages a bit shyly, blushing weakly. 

"What? I was supposed to just stand there and watch you suffer for something you have barely any control over?" Naruto shrugs. "I would be a hypocrite. How could I tell you that I'm here for you, allow you to open up to me, and then not saying something? I'm an asshole but I know my limits."

Naruto took a deep breath and smiled weakly. "Yeah," he sighed. "Still. I just wish I could speak up for myself. But I'll never learn to stand on my own if I keep letting you do things for me..."

Sasuke understood. He understood the need for freedom, to be able to do things on your own without any help. From his own standpoint he was worried for Naruto. Part of him wanted to shelter the blond boy away from any harm that may come his way, give him something to lean on when life went south. He felt a little betrayed at the fact that Naruto was asking for space to overcome these hurdles on his own, but Sasuke was smart enough to know that this wasn't about him, or him being an inadequate friend, so he couldn't afford to be selfish. This was about Naruto wanting to do something for himself and Sasuke didn't have a problem with it. Naruto's issues were complex, deep rooted, and there was no way he was making it over the hill without helping himself first. Sasuke and his family could only do so much. When there came a time he needed them they would be there, but Naruto is right. Besides, everyone has to crawl before they walk and run.

"You want to do things on your own." Sasuke pulls himself further on the bed, closer to Naruto, and the two sit beside each other so close that their thighs are pressed together. Naruto doesn't pull away the way he did at breakfast so he takes it as a good sign. Maybe it's because they're behind closed doors with nobody to judge them for the way they are, with no prying eyes. Sasuke has already seen Naruto while he's been down before. The shame of imperfection doesn't linger over him like a brooding cloud when it's just the two boys alone. Even though the Uchiha family has been nothing but open arms for him to fall into, he doesn't share this kind of bond with anyone else. "If you want that, then I do too. But don't be an idiot and try to burden everything alone. I tried it before and I lost myself. I lost someone very important to me."

Naruto stared Sasuke in the eyes for a split second before something turning in his stomach urged him to look away. And he just closed them and let his head rest on Sasuke's shoulder as the darkness took over his vision. The warmth from the closeness was nice. Naruto didn't produce a lot of body heat, he was always sort of freezing even on the nicest days of the year. Sasuke was comfier than he looked. Like a mini sun enveloping him and comforting him in his times of need. The arm that wrapped around him felt stable and grounding. He turned his head to hide his face in Sasuke's shoulder and clutched the dark fabric of his shirt weakly. "I'm really sorry you have to see my like this. I'm gonna get better, I swear. I'll do anything. I'll get help, I'll try to eat more, I'll learn to fight back— whatever I need to do."

He doesn't expect the reaction he gets out of it. Naruto is confused by the tears that Sasuke starts to wipe away before they even have the chance to slip down his pale cheeks and drip onto the sheets below them. He's not unused to seeing the younger Uchiha cry but he does tend to save his waterworks for more desperate times, unlike Naruto who is so emotional he cries about the smallest things. Yet Sasuke is crying over something now, which Naruto would consider this a happy moment for himself, but they're obviously different people. Sasuke sniffles weakly and wipes his eyes before one heart wrenching sob in particular cracks through him like lighting and strikes Naruto. Sasuke is human, he has feelings too, and a lot of those emotions have been pent up and hoarded in the crevices of his mind for too long. Naruto knows too well the satisfaction one gets from just one good cry. It's not quite like addressing one's problems but it's close enough to get one through life for a bit. Sometimes the pain is so bad that you don't know if it's all in your head or if your heart and rib cage is really closing in on itself, but if you can cry for a while, everything will feel okay for a moment even if for just a few minutes.

"I'm proud of you," Sasuke tells him. He reaches up to gently caress Naruto's cheekbone, slipping to his jawline and weakly grabbing his chin and turning his head so that the two are looking eye to eye. He gets lost in the deep ocean color, still vibrant in color, but Naruto's eye have lost their spark. Dull, no longer full of hope. But things won't be that way forever. He's going to get _better_. And Sasuke is going to help him. "Hearing you say that... it's a relief. Deep down I know I'm not enough. I can give you all my love and support, but i'm not a professional. You need way more than I have to offer you right now. All I can really do is help you figure it out."

Naruto swallows the thick lump of emotions that gets caught in his throat. He entwined his fingers and leaves his hands in his lap to keep himself from fidgeting. The truth is that he doesn't know how to reply, yet the short quick nod seems insufficient even if it's all he can manage at the moment. He feels slightly guilty because here Sasuke is pouring out his emotions and he can't even bother to express how he feels back in proper words. But he wants him to know that he heard him and that he understands. Somewhere in the back of his head Naruto thinks that maybe he's the same too, because things have only been going down hill in his life, and bringing Sasuke with him on that ride was selfish. And maybe he was being too selfless on his own behalf because thinking about Sasuke having to go through that pain with him seemed worse than a fucked limb or a punch in the face. And after everything he'd already forced him through; having to rush him to the hospital all bruised and beaten, dealing with his mood swings, keeping Naruto's secrets that he shouldn't be keeping in the first place... Naruto would never be able to pay his debts if he caused more trouble for Sasuke. If it was the other way around, Naruto would beg to be by his side no matter what, even if it was painful, but he would never expect the favor back.

"Thank you. All of you are too good to me." Naruto's smile is wobbly and somewhat questionable paired with the dampness in his eyes. He thinks that maybe Sasuke's sudden rush of emotions has managed to reflect onto him because Naruto doesn't know whether he would rather cry it out with his by his side or be happy because this is a good thing. That Sasuke is proud of him, that's a great thing. Maybe he will decide to cry because he's so overjoyed that even one person on this earth will see him as something other than disappointing and weak. It's one of those milestones that mean a lot to one person but only a few other people will understand it. For Naruto, Sasuke's words feel warm in the center of his chest, like thick curtains have finally pulled back enough to let a little sunshine in on a nice day. It's been so long since he's experienced that feeling without some lingering gloom taking over his sunny skies and replacing them with loud, threatening claps of thunder and grey clouds that stick around for days. It's unfair how sadness sticks around and leaves a residue, versus happiness that burns bright and burns out like a flame on a short match. 

Sasuke sighs deeply as he runs a hand through his hair, which is sticking up significantly less than it does on a normal day, and Naruto thinks it's a good look on him kind of. "For what?" he questions and the reply he gets is so immediate that he barely gets out a single inhale in that frame of time.

"For taking care of me. For trying so hard to make sure I'm smiling and healthy. For being proud of me, and knowing when i'm trying my best. For once, I feel like I'm starting to make sense. Like I have somewhere I belong," Naruto confessed as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. "I want to belong here with you. I've been praying for things to just end for so long now that it feels almost silly to wish for something else at this point, but now I have things and people that make me happy. I have new things to pray for."

There was a moment of silence that passed as the older male took in Naruto's words. For a while he's wondered if the blond boy really didn't know how much he was loved, how many people worried for his well being. Naruto seemed completely blind to the fact that he was adored. Even at home his shy presence stood out so much. Maybe he didn't notice the way the brothers found less to argue about when his blue eyes were watching them nervously, or the way everyone stopped talking nonsense and fully engaged in the conversation whenever he spoke in that genuine tone of his. Sasuke couldn't understand why he was being thanked for something he never even had to go out of his way to do. Making sure Naruto was okay and being here for him was something that required zero effort, because Sasuke had never loved so hard, and the way he was prepared to sacrifice so much for this damaged boy sitting beside him was utterly terrifying in the best way. And it felt right. That was coming from a boy who could count all of the things he cherished in life on one hand.

After a minute or two, Sasuke decided he'd rather hear that familiarly shaky voice than the silence that was occasionally interrupted by his mom's movement downstairs. "What will you pray for?" he asks conversationally, keeping his tone light despite the heavy feeling atmosphere in the room.

"For us," the blue eyed teen answers just as lightly, and yet somehow the words don't fit with the moment. "I would pray for you to stay by my side forever. For the both of us to just be happy. Together." 

The lips that press against his are soft and still in a gentle peck. Not begging for the kiss to be reciprocated but silently hoping, lingering there just in case Sasuke decides that this is something he would want too. And oh, isn't this everything he's ever asked for? Yet at the same time Sasuke hates the way his actions contradict his previous words where he was convincing himself that waiting would be better, that this was something they weren't ready for, but then again that was before he considered how Naruto might feel. He hadn't considered himself being on the receiving end of this kiss and Naruto liking him back never felt impossible but always a bit... distant, like simple wishful thinking. Apparently that wasn't the case. Sasuke didn't really want to dwell on it though when the moment he's been dreaming about for so long is unfolding in real life. And when he digs his way past his annoying voice of reason it feels so right that he wouldn't be opposed to sitting here with Naruto forever.

He leans deeper into the kiss and happiness surges through him when Naruto does the same. The hands that gently caress both sides of his face are cold but he doesn't mind that much because he's sure the blush creeping it's way onto his usually pale skin will warm them up a bit. Naruto is cold most of the time and yet his lips are warm, and the way he makes Sasuke feel leaves a warm, hazy feeling in the pit of his stomach that spreads all the way to his chest where it makes his heart feel funny. Sasuke knew he was in love when his awkward butterflies turned into throbbing chest aches that left him weak. When he felt like punching walls and getting angry at every little thing. Oddly enough, Naruto never fails to get him worked up, yet he's also the person that calms his nerves and keeps his thoughts in order most of the time. That remains true even now.

Naruto becomes slightly more aware of the other people in the house with the two as they become more comfortable with the closeness of their actions, lips moving together slowly as they figure out the beat of the moment together. Not that he finds this wrong, but he also doesn't have all the complications worked out, and being walked in on would be awkward and things would be a tad hard to explain. Also because he isn't quite sure how Sasuke's family might feel about this... them... in general. Two boys. And maybe it's not what he should be thinking about when Sasuke wraps a steady arm around his waist, but it is. 

Naruto pulls away first when he thinks they've both made their point clear enough. He's sure he got across the fact that he definitely feels something for Sasuke, and well, the kiss was returned and nobody is freaking out, so he supposes it's a good sign. But for some reason he feels both satisfied and half-full at the same time, like it wasn't enough to make up for all the pining on both ends. Yet at the same time it was something, and something with Sasuke was all he asked for. He doesn't feel even slightly inclined to lean forward again as close as they are and just stares into the inky puddles of Sasuke's eyes.

Sasuke lets out a soft pant of relief as Naruto gazes into him calmly. They're so close that they could hear one another's pounding heartbeats if they listened hard enough. Sasuke fisted the front of Naruto's...his shirt tightly and broke eye contact to rest his forehead on the blond's still shoulders. "Damn. I fucking love you, you idiot." Sasuke clutched the shirt in his hand tighter. 

"You do?" Naruto contained a smile. He felt a mix of honored and scared, thinking he probably didn't deserve to be hearing those words from Sasuke Uchiha himself. Naruto hadn't done anything in particular to make him feel that way and yet he still got chosen out of the handful of other people that would love to hear those words from him. Naruto appreciated that he meant the words he spoke, that he didn't just speak with such weight for the fun on it. Hopefully. 

"I do," he confirmed. "But we can't. Nothing can change."

"Why not? Are you scared?" Sasuke's heart jumped harder in his chest at that because yes, he was. He was in love with Naruto Uzumaki and it was the best worst thing ever. It was emotional, soul-baring torture that he was unused to and yet he couldn't find it in himself to dislike the level of intimacy this required. Sasuke was terrified of letting people in, yet he still gave Naruto a pass despite knowing things could possibly hit the fan. But Naruto had the kind of personality-- deep down-- that made people want to stick by his side, even if they were jackasses like Sasuke was. They both have fears, some of which would never go away, and yet Naruto still opened up about some of his past and even just a moment ago with that kiss, he said a lot of things that he couldn't fully express with words. Still, that didn't change the situation they were in, and Sasuke knew that what they both needed right now wasn't a relationship. He didn't say that but Naruto seemed to understand, but he didn't seem upset at all. "I get it. We're both a wreck and you don't want either of us to get hurt. It's okay. You're still my best friend," Naruto reassures and he watches the way Sasuke's shoulders sag in relief. "Just... Don't give up on us. You can do that much can't you?"

Sasuke didn't even try to stop the corner of his lips from turning up into a little smile. It wasn't how he thought the conversation would go, but it was a win nonetheless, judging by the way Naruto pulled him in for a tight hug. 

"I love you too, teme."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was like the first sip of water after spending all day outside. I finished it months ago (in early march 2020) but I never published it because of reasons that I explained in the beginning notes. It was a little hard for me to write the scene at the table because I too have struggled with eating disorders and I have horrible anxiety, like I get nervous when people even look in my direction because i'm so self conscious 24/7, and it's very restricting. I really felt for Naruto while writing this, but I also felt for Sasuke because I have been in his position as well. It's not an easy thing to stick around and see/have to experience at all.  
I felt like it was appropriate to add the confessions afterwards just because personally I would have loved for someone to tell me they loved me after I was struggling all by myself, not even just in the romantic sense, and I think just hearing those words can be so uplifting and have such a positive effect on your mindset during dark times like these. For all my readers who are currently suffering through anything that may be tough, I love you too and I am always here for anyone who needs me to be. Your mental and physical health is so important. I also want to say that yes, it's okay to step back and put your own needs first.   
Good morning/afternoon/night!
> 
> side note; how did we feel about this chapter? i personally think sasuke's moments of vulnerability are the best, and naruto is such a sweetheart.


	22. forevers and pinky promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adulting absolutely sucks. LET ME BE 16 AGAIN. 
> 
> I had to reallllly work around my busy schedule to get this chapter done. Actually, I had completely forgotten about this book (SORRY) until I finally got around to reading a few comments waiting to be approved, which... well, say goodbye to those. Be nice to me, guys. I don't have free time everyday to write fanfics like how I used to anymore. I have a full time job so I'm usually exhausted in my free time. Luckily, I drank like three cans of monster today.   
Enjoy.

Naruto felt as if his days had already reached their bleak, short lived climax and it was only a matter of time before the end. It was miserable, the fear of dying and being forgotten because he was utterly useless, but some days it was just impossible to stop the thoughts once they settled in, and thus that damned recurring phobia of his began to control his every action once again. It wasn't like he could help it; it shot his anxiety up the roof, and by the time that happened he was a shaking mess that was barely capable of having a single optimistic thought, let alone the courage to just breathe and admit that he was freaking out. He would much rather tuck himself under Sasuke's blankets all day and sleep because he needed the energy, and so that was exactly what he'd been doing these past few days— wasting his life away.

Naruto felt as if he couldn't do a single thing for himself, and his usual passion filled self hated that so much that it was unbearable. He was sad, and pissed off, and in extreme pain due to hunger and his fucked over limb, but he couldn't do anything about any of that right now. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to. Naruto liked to think he was a man of his word, but it was hard to own up to that title when he started questioning the promises he made to someone who he truly loved and cared for, and for that same reason he began to loathe being in the same room with Sasuke while he was having these days where he wished he would never wake up again. Naruto didn't feel like he was any closer to getting better. If anything, his grudging confession that he needed serious help only made him feel like more of a freak, and that was how his attempt to get better was backfiring horribly. He didn't want to break Sasuke's heart, didn't want to look at him with those hopeless, sunken blue eyes of his, didn't want to embrace him with those painfully grotesque arms he had. Didn't want to tell him that he loved him using the same mouth he purposely puked up his only accomplishments with. None of this was Sasuke's fault at all— he shouldn't have to deal with it, and he shouldn't have to deal with Naruto.

The blond boy spent majority of his time underneath the dark blankets, and occasionally he would emerge but stay curled up in them to have brief conversations with Itachi and sometimes Shisui too, because they had suspected Naruto was growing lonely now that the youngest Uchiha had to start attending his classes again, but the truth was that Naruto was lonely way before his best friend started leaving in the early mornings. He appreciated the gesture, but he was embarrassed, and there was always that annoying side that told him the family was only kind out of obligation. Naruto would deny it every time only for it's argument against him to come back stronger than the last.

They stayed and talked, and sometimes they brought him fruits or rice balls to snack on, though he could only ever take a bite or two without feeling a bit bloated and a lot disgusted. Naruto took care to express his thanks, but he could tell their smiles in return were fake, only because he would catch their brief frowns of worry directed towards him before leaving. Naruto always felt lonelier after having their company, and so he would just sleep until Sasuke came home and woke him up by cuddling next to him in bed, and Naruto would still pretend to be sleeping afterwards because he didn't have the physical or emotional strength to turn around and face him.

He appreciated the warm silence, though he often wasn't sure how to react to it anymore. They'd kissed, and confessed their love, and yet they were not lovers, just best friends as they've always been. Naruto didn't want to admit that just the sound of Sasuke's soft, barely audible breathing made his heart race faster than ever before, or that every brief moment of skin to skin contact they shared made his stomach erupt in butterflies, or more like angry wasps. How did he pretend to just be friends with someone who he adored so much, who he loved so immensely? It didn't make sense. How long would it be until he got better? Would Sasuke forget about him by then? Would he move on to the next girl or guy, and abandon Naruto who didn't know how to let go of his harmful habits? It hurt to think about a life without Sasuke just as much as it hurt to think about living his current life with Sasuke. It felt like he would be the one hurt in both scenarios, and he realized he was stuck between the two as of now.

The sun had set, and Naruto hadn't even noticed it since he was napping the whole day away to escape his thoughts, but after having a nightmare he came up from the darkness only to be greeted by more of it. He slightly panicked, though he was quickly soothed by Sasuke who wasn't saying anything, just trying his best to embrace Naruto's shaking body. The blond teen just let himself fall into the warm hugs, leaning against Sasuke's clothed chest as he attempted to slow his breaths, gentle fingers petting away at his light colored locks. It was uncharacteristically soft and careful of Sasuke. Even more so than usual, and he'd always been a lot more heartfelt with Naruto compared to others. But he didn't even have enough strength to think about it because all he could actually manage to think about was his dream about dying before he ever got the chance to become someone important, and how in his dream there was nobody at his funeral. He could recall it and just imagine how pitiful it'd be in real life, the melancholy music playing in the background and the staleness of the otherwise silence, with not even the faint sound of a teardrop hitting the floor or a single sniffle. Realistically, Naruto knew that at least one person would mourn him, but the nightmare was just too vivid, it sent shocks of terror up his spine and made it harder to breathe.

"I know it hurts," Sasuke finally spoke to him, only for the second time that day. The first time was this morning right before he left home, and Naruto remembers him pressing a light kiss to his forehead and whispering a faint declaration of love that he couldn't return only because he was supposed to be asleep. Still, he couldn't even begin to count how many times he repeated it in his head, and Naruto was regretting that he didn't say it out loud before, because now that he actually wanted to say something, it felt like there was a rock in his throat. "You always used to tell me that I didn't have to go through things alone. Yet here you are doing the same thing you would scold me for. I don't get you." Sasuke sighed. "We'll get through it together."

_But what if we don't?_

Naruto didn't want to know the answer to that question.

They stayed like that for who knows how long, changing positions so that they would both be wrapped in the blankets but remaining unmoved otherwise. Naruto was both comfortable and uncomfortable, but Sasuke seemed fine, like his usual self, and he still had his fingers laced in Naruto's hair. Not that the blond haired boy minded in the slightest, but the effects of his dream were beginning to wear off and now he was feeling the humiliation, because he really didn't like to be seen when he was feeling down like this. But it was definitely for the better that he had someone there for him because who knows how easily he could spiral out of control while in this unstable mindset of his. Naruto didn't want to find out about that either. So he changed the subject instead, praying that Sasuke would just go along with it.

"How was school?" He asked timidly, tracing a cold finger around his knee, nails slightly scratching against his skin. Sasuke made an annoyed sound and rolled his eyes, but Naruto couldn't see him through the darkness.

"It was just school," Sasuke replied dryly. "It's not like it's fun being followed all day."

"Of course they wouldn't leave you alone. The school's heartthrob suddenly disappears, and then just returns as if nothing happened. They missed you." Naruto smiled a little bit. Sasuke was charming in his own little way, sometimes, when he wanted to be. But it still amazed Naruto how he could literally threaten to push someone down the stairs and they'd still love him the same— ah, high school. It pulled a short laugh from him.

"I'm not the school's _anything_. I'm just me, and I want to be left alone to eat my tomatoes on the school rooftop." Sasuke groaned in annoyance. "I can't wait until I graduate from that shit hole."

"Yeah, me too," Naruto fully agreed. "I used to wish I could be there all the time. It was the only place I would go to when I needed an escape, but not anymore. Now I just want to be free from this town."

There was silence for a bit after that. Naruto could barely make out the faint sight of the moon peeking through the curtains. He wondered was time it was now, how many hours of his life he was letting go to waste these days. But he didn't really have any time to dwell on that for too long because Sasuke was saying something again— but he'd missed it entirely.

"What'd you say?" He asked the raven haired teen, eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on listening this time.

"I said... when we get older, let's move away from here. Together. We don't have to be stuck here our whole lives," Sasuke repeated, briefly scaring Naruto as he placed his warm hands over Naruto's freezing one. "I hate this place more than anything. I've always wanted to leave, and that won't change whether you decide to come or not, but... I love you. I want to drag you with me. I'm telling you this because I'm selfish."

Naruto nodded. "When we get older, huh? When's that?"

Sasuke shrugged, Naruto could feel it. "I wouldn't know. Whenever the hell we feel like it."

"If I get better, let's save up and leave." Naruto leaned his head on Sasuke's shoulder. "We'll be adults by then, right?"

"When, not 'if'," The Uchiha corrected. "We'll be adults."

"Will you still want to drag me along when we're adults? Will you still love me?" Naruto said timidly, biting down on his lip almost painfully as he awaited Sasuke's reply.

"I promise," he said as he linked his pinky finger with Naruto's. "_Forever_."

And sure... Naruto knew that there was a chance that maybe that wouldn't be the case in a few years, but it was Sasuke. His heart had no choice but to believe his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honestly, I was reluctant about publishing this. I don't want any readers to feel like we're pedaling backwards here, especially since that's definitely not the case. There will be a few interesting things coming up from now on which should help progress the story. I prefer to avoid pointless angst since this fic is already a little sad. Hopefully nobody is crying (yet).
> 
> It's 11:30. I HAVE SACRIFICED MY SLEEP TO PUBLISH THIS FOR YOU. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS LET ME KNOW IF YOU SEE ANY MAJOR ERRORS. Please, I was writing this on barely any sleep and I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense to you guys. Thanks.


End file.
